Under My Sofa

Bandaids

You finally return to the place we call home
Where you leave me alone
To take care of your children
Though I am one of them

Fuck you, fuck you, I missed you so much
Craving parental touch
Was it too much to ask?
I do every household task

I keep us to schedule
There's a problem, I take the fall
Always answer your calls
Banish imagined ghouls

From the mind of my brother
Taking the role of mother
And father and sister
And babysitter

And cleaner and cooker
And trying to anchor
His floating mind with normality
In the storm of your absence

I make comfort food with the care
That I wish you would share
Wipe down the plates
As I wish I could wipe my mind

Is affection that hard to find?
You come back to complain that the house is a mess
There's a tear in my sister's dress
And in her eyes tears distress

Can't you see that we do our best?
I just wanted some fucking rest
To dream of treasure chests
And my hair being caressed

Is it too much to ask?
Apparently sleep is a commodity
I'll never see
You have nothing to give me

I get it, keep taking
It's a twisted affection
Remove confidence from me then,
It's only an ornament

I don't need it like you do
I have a few
People that love me
Consider me family

And I'm going to stop denying
That I'm still trying
It's not for a lack of care
I just doubt life will ever be fair

And I'm so tired
Love is hard wired
In the cracked fragments of my mind
But I'll leave it behind

You'll come back once again and yell
And yeah, it'll hurt like hell
But shouting's all very well
When you're an adult

You try to demand respect
But did nothing to earn it
You put a roof over me, yeah,
But I keep it there

It took me a while
To learn how to smile
While filling so many roles
And patching up bullet holes

With nothing but bandaids

***

How goes it? Sorry this is kind lacks focus.

Just like to thank everyone who's reading, especially those of you that are so supportive with your comments.

I know poetry is hard to respond to, because it holds such different meaning for everyone, and it's often difficult to convey the emotions that even throwaway lines can trigger, so thank you all for doing such an awesome job of giving me such kind and honest reactions.

Alex xxx