Never the Same

Twenty-three

Some how, magically, a year has gone by and were seniors, I'm in love with Ryder, best friends with Taylor, I see Scarlett occasionally, my parents got a divorce, Kate came back to Anderson, I dyed my hair, Hailee and Connor are dating, Carmen has stayed out of our way, and I had the best summer of my life.

"Come on baby. Just tonight," Ryder whispers in my ear as I get my textbooks out of my locker, we have a huge Chemistry test tomorrow and I need to get all A's to get into UCLA. I've already applied and I have an interview over winter break. Ryder knows this, but we haven't gone out in forever.

"I'll tell you what. Drive me home, let me study for two hours, pick me up, take me to a fantastic date and then maybe I'll stay the night, it depends on if Dave is spending the night," I say and close my locker, I turn to face him and roll my eyes when I say Dave, the boss my moms been fucking. Ryder just chuckles and wraps his arm around my shoulder.

"You got a deal don't expect me to not bother you while you study." He smiles and we walk out to see the schools power couple with a circle around them. "Wanna check it out?" Ryder smiles down at me and I nod, nothing's better than seeing the schools beloved couple fight in front of everyone.

"It's not my fault that you're still in love with her," Hailee screams and throws her hands in the air, me and Ryder are just in ear shot but we aren't up close, we squeeze our way to the front holding hands.

"It's not my fault that she's better company than you," Connor screams back, my stomach twists, their talking about me.

"She's happy with Ryder! He looks at her with love and passion and wanting! I want you to look at me like that! I want us to be like Aspen and Ryder! Their happy and don't argue about things like us! She looks so depresses and lonely when she isn't with him, then he comes in and her whole face lights up! Their happy! Something you'll never be! We're done here!" Ryder squeezes my shoulder for comfort, he knows I don't like it when people talk about me, Connor still loves me but he doesn't even compare to Ryder. Hailee storms off and Connor groans in frustration. Him and Ryder lock eyes.

"This is all your fault!" He points to Ryder and everyone looks over at us. I grip onto Ryder's shirt and look up at him, he just smiles at me and looks at me with the i-got-this look. Ryder's always in control, when he walks in late he's in control of everyone, everyone asks for his advice and goes to him.

"Nothing is my fault," Ryder says cooly and holds up his hands in defense walking to the center of the circle, please don't let them fight god. I need Ryder to be perfectly fine.

"You took her away!" Everyone murmurs with their cliques and Kate, Trenton, Alison, Jaydon, Blair, and Camden walk over to see what's going on. I rush to them and they hug me, they say comforting things but I flinch every time someone says something.

"It's not my fault that you hit her right in front of me." This was my breaking point, I couldn't take this anymore. They both crossed the line and I needed them to stop. I walked over to them, in the middle of the circle, I got disapproving looks from everyone but I stayed right there, in the middle of them.

"Both of you stop it! Ryder, you said you had this under control, you don't anymore. Connor, let me go. Hailee's right, I'm happy with Ryder, well not right now but I am. I was happy with you then it stopped and I moved on. I love Ryder so so so much. Connor, please don't say that you loved me. Because you never truly loved me. Maybe you liked or even loved the thought about us being together. But you never loved me, you destroyed me and I'm sure you never loved me. I just felt so alone, it's not like I needed someone, well I kinda did. But not someone certain, someone who will give me the love that I crave. Thats Ryder. Not you. Ryder I love you so much. Don't leave me. I know I'm hard to love and that my issues can be hard to accept, but I want you to be the one to tell me it's okay. I want you to save me from my overthinking hell. I've wondered what it's like to love someone with all you've got, to no longer see straight, and to ache for someone despite their mistakes. I've wondered what it's like to fall for someone, even for there flaws, their aggressive moods and mysterious hearts. I've wondered what it's like to love someone, to allow someone to have your heart, to have someone make your darkest days seem a little bit bright. You never left me, you stayed. It caught me by surprise, I never had someone stay before. It's almost like, you wanted to stay. I want you to stay forever Ryder," by the end of my speech I'm out of breath and everyone is looking at me, even Ryder and Connor, nobody said anything. Connor looked hurt and betrayed but Ryder looks like he's never loved me more, I just stayed still and quiet. I start to hear people cheer and clap.