powerless // awsten knight

1

I jolt awake from my reoccurring nightmare, drenched in sweat. My tired eyes look over at the clock. It takes me a second to read the fine print and become fully conscious. 

6:23 a.m.

"Might as well get up" I tell myself.

I get out of bed with a sigh and put my feet on the cold, wooden floor. Trudging through my apartment, I make my way to the bathroom to take a shower. The shower is where I do most of my thinking, and I can think about everything without getting stressed while the water calms me and relaxes my tense muscles.

I rinse my body with cold water to wake up and think about my dream. It was 12 years ago, but it felt like I relived it every night. I mean, who could get over seeing their own mother dying? I've had this nightmare, well flashback, for a couple weeks now. That's the first time I ever had an asthma attack, too. Now I have them in stressful situations. Anyways, I guess I'm beginning to feel lucky if I don't dream at all. The only times I don't have nightmares is if I'm happy, or with someone that makes me happy. But that's not been happening lately due to everything around me being the way it is. Guess everyone has to have a tragic backstory, right?

Hearing the morning traffic begin to wake, I get out and start to dry off so I can get ready for work.

I get dressed in my usual attire, black jeans and my HEB work shirt. It's not the best job, but it pays the bills I'm constantly late on. If I'm being honest, it's surprising my landlord hasn't left me a letter saying "you need to be out of here by tomorrow". But I'm not complaining. 

I do my usual concealer and mascara, maybe a little bronzer if I'm in the mood. I don't like to use much if I can avoid it, I enjoy not having teenage acne so I do my best to not bring it back.

I grab my phone and keys. Since I don't purse so I only bring what's necessary. My hands run along the wall and I walk towards the wooden door that shields me from the world. I step out, lock it, and head to the parking lot.

I get in my old, crappy Toyota praying that it starts. To my relief, the engine revs on and I make my way down the already crowed streets. I wish I didn't have to be here, there's so much of the world I want to go to but I'm trapped here in Houston. It's same old everyday, I just want change for once.

~

When I get to HEB I feel sick to my stomach, knowing today was going to be awful. I can't pick out why I feel this way but hopefully I'll get over it soon.

I clock in and begin to restock the produce like I do every day. Once I'm done I go to the break room to see what needs to be done around the store. That's when my boss, Jeremy, walked up to me with a blank expression, and ruined my day.

"Amber I'm sorry, we just don't need your work here anymore. Please go get your stuff from the locker room."

I look at him, shocked. Why would he drop me so fast? He looks back at me with pity and walks off.

What a dick. Where did that even come from? I throw down the produce I was putting away and hold back burning tears as I stomp out, ignoring the looks customers give me. 

Now I get to drive my shitty car to my apartment jobless, defeated, and starving. I park in my usual spot and sit for a moment. Why am I so useless everywhere I go?

~

When I get back to my apartment I sit down and let out a huge sigh and get some stuff so I can have a night to myself that need. I turn on the TV and make myself a bowl of cereal to begin. The background noise of a random infomercial plays in the background while I eat my cheerio's. I wrap myself up in a blanket, trying to cover myself away from the cold draft coming from the window. I stir around the three remaining o's thinking,

What am I gonna do?

Where am I gonna work?

Will I have enough money to live?

"UGH" I yell in frustration as I slam down the empty bowl and reach for the laptop next to me.

I violently start typing on the keys. I remember grandmother gave me for my 21st birthday so I calm down a little and try not to break it. Lord knows I can't afford a new one. That was 2 years ago so it's pretty new still. I begin typing 'houston jobs available'.

"This job is no longer available"

"No positions left"

"No longer hiring"

Reading these phrase for what seems like a thousand times and begin to claw at my hair out of frustration. Before I know it my eyes glass over, and my breathing begins to quicken. That's when I start panicking and grab my inhaler off the bookshelf that holds the TV. I inhale and calm down, but my eyes still burn from the tears threatening to spill.

"Why is my life such a mess?" I ask myself. That's when the hot tears finally fall down my face without stopping, no matter how much I wipe them away. I sit back calm myself down to avoid a full-on anxiety attack.

Maybe the newspaper will have something I could do to get some money. I scroll through the Houston Press looking for any job openings.

I scroll to the very last page, and my eyes skim all over. Then a bright yellow and purple picture catches my eye. Double Dare, it read on the top. It looks to be an album cover from some indie band. Is that what they call themselves now? I need to get back in the loop.

"Local band in search for a temporary keyboardist/singer while on tour and to help with final records of new album, Double Dare as seen in the photo above"

"Wait a second, I know how to play the keyboard! I used to be able to sing, I bet I could learn how again!" I gasp, tears from before now merely just stains. I read all around the ad trying to find more information about it.

Waterparks, huh? Why does that name sound familiar? I click on YouTube and pull-up their channel. They don't seem huge, but they look like they are getting there.

"Let's find some music by them," I whisper to myself, regaining hope. I click on the top video. It's a music video for a song called Crave. Not bad! I think I've heard this song on the local radio a few times! I look through the channel and see they have two singles out. One called Stupid For You, and the other Royal. I click on the second and sit back, putting all my attention on the music.

"I'm sick of being in Houston, I'm sick of everything thing I've been around enough to get used to"

"You and me both," I mutter. Well I know why they would want a keyboardist, it looks like only have 3 members, all playing an instrument already, and some of there songs include keyboard background sounds.

Maybe this could be something great!