Heartbreak Warfare

12.

I’m sorry the updates have been extremely off this last week. It’s because I have just had the majority of my assignments due that week and ugh so much work I swear. Anyway next week I should be able to resume my usual schedule. I'm sorry this is a very short chapter, I promise the others will be longer and better! Thank you all for 200 reads! It honestly gives me so much hope and every new read I get!! After this chapter things get a little bit slower because I think it’s too fast paced anyway thank you again love you all ekk!
Warning this chapter has a self-harm scene so please, if you don’t like that stuff then just skip over it. –xodaisy

3 days left
I just keep reading the same sentence. Over and over. Over and over. Over and over.
“With the Gardiners, they were always on the most intimate terms. Darcy, as well as Elizabeth, really loved them; and they were both ever sensible of the warmest gratitude towards the persons who, by bringing her into Derbyshire, had been the means of uniting them”
I couldn’t believe I’ve already finished it. Again. I scratch another line onto my wall, marking the 111th time I’d read it. I picked up my phone to find an endless amount of messages from Harry. He stopped at about 4am, it’s now 7am so he’s probably asleep. Just then another string of messages comes through.
“I’m leaving at about 11am,” the text says.
“I know you probably don’t want me around.” My heart drops into my stomach and then twists into a thousand knots. He is leaving early! I know that I left, but once he is on that plane, I will never be able to find him. Seven hells and mother’s trees I am so selfish. I push myself off the bed, only to fall onto the ground. And then the uneven sobs come. So I just lie there for a while on the floor. Sobbing, crying and screaming into a pillow. This has been waiting for about 4 years to surface, all this pain. I thought I had repressed it so well, boy was I wrong. The pain just pulses through me constantly, leave me immobile. My head urges me to be strong, but my heart tells it no. An hour slowly passes and I decide to stand up. I walk into my ensuite and rummage through the vanity draw. My fingers fumble around looking for it. Then I see it, right at the back. My fingers curl around it, welcoming its cool touch. A sick smile spreads across my face. I’m back, my friend, did you miss me? I think as I pull it to my wrist. I drag it across my pale skin, leaving behind a familiar trail of red. Again, my body urges me as I continue. I got halfway up to my elbow and stopped. I calmly put my friend away again. Thanking them for the momentary release.  

I step back into my bedroom and go to my drawers to get a nice long sleeve top. I find my favorite old sweater, put some jeans on. The weather has been unnaturally cold for this time of year. I look at my clock and it’s about 8:45am, so I decide to head out to meet Rita for breakfast.
“Mum,
I’m going to meet Rita (my friend) for breakfast, please don’t worry. When we get home we can talk about everything
P.S I took your car” I quickly scribble on a piece of paper before grabbing her car keys and leaving. I climb into the car and start the engine.

I arrive at the Pancake restaurant at exactly 9:30am and am surprised to find Rita seated at the table already.
“Hey Rita” I greet her kindly
“Hey Abbie!” she says as she embraces me. I take my seat across from her and the waitress takes our orders.
“Are you ok Abbie? You look like shit” Rita asks
“Why. How very polite, no I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep last night” I say in reply,
“Oh I see… Harry must be a rocket in bed” she winks
“No. No. Not like that! How did you even know about…? Harry… and I?” I ask and shake my head furiously, trying to get the picture of Harry out of my head.
“Jess’s mouth is even bigger than her ass,” she shrugs and laughs
“Oh ok.” I mutter
“I’m actually really surprised. I’ve known Harry for a while now and he’s never been interested with any girl. I mean he would just root and boot, if you know what I mean” she continues.
“Mhmm” I mumble. What the actual?
“I’m sorry! Sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable like that. What I meant to say was that Harry obviously likes you very much” she apologizes
“Yeah”
“So what are you going to do when he leaves for England?” she probes
“You know about that?” I look up, surprised.
“Yeah. Obviously! He told me when he met me!”
“Oh. Yeah obviously…” I say, trying to act like it doesn’t bother me.
“He leaves in 3 days you know?” she informs me. Does she not know when to shut up!
“Actually he leaves before midday. I’m not going.”
“Wait what! He’s leaving today! Does that mean Liam and Louis and Niall and Zayn are leaving too!” Rita begins to freak out. She grabs her phone and starts to dial numbers.
“I suppose so…” I mutter
“This is terrible! Hang on… shouldn’t you be at the airport if your leaving?” she says as the phone rings.
“I’m not going.”
“Yes you are” she says, standing up from the table and grabbing my arm
“Foo-“I begin, but she interrupts “Um no. We are going. Now.”

Rita and I arrive at the airport not long after. She babbles something inaudibly into the phone receiver.
“Ok Gate 4, international. Got it thanks!” she says and shuts the phone off. Her fingers wrap around my arm and pull me with her. We start running through the airport. I’m suddenly desperate to see Harry again. I need to see him, just one more time and explain everything. I need to feel his lips against mine again. I need to feel his arms around me. I need to hear his heart beat in his chest. I need to see his smile one more time.
“HURRY UP ABBY, I WANT TO SEE LIAM GOD DAMMIT!” Rita yells at me. Obviously I’m not the only one who wants to see their love once more. I run just a little faster and push my legs that little bit further. The crowd begins to thicken as we get into the international section. I must have elbowed a couple of people, but I really don’t care at all. All I care about right now is Harry. Just as I’m about to slow down I see terminal 4 up ahead. I tell myself to keep running, keep pushing forward. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. I have to see Harry. I say repeatedly in my mind. I finally break through the crowd into the entrance for terminal 4. I can see him, his curly hair as he walks near to where customs begin. I bolt faster than the wind and jump on him, hugging him, kissing him.
“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, and I love you” I whisper with every kiss.

Only when I open my eyes do I see. It’s. Not. Harry. My knees fail me and I’m crashing to the ground in what can only be described as an anxiety attack. Oh how deceiving and inconsistently teasing is the human mind.