Small Town Love

Her Funeral

The rest of the chapters will be in Ryan's pov unless stated otherwise 

I haven't eaten much since she died, I actually have done much since she died. All I've done was bottle up my feelings, not eating or talking. I started therapy and they put me on antidepressants, and they said I need to start talking before I go mute. Going mute doesn't sound half bad right now. The only time I plan on speaking is later today at her funeral, her parents said I should say something. 

We were getting ready to leave, I was in black "skinny jeans" (they weren't that tight) and a white "Fall Out Boy" shirt, it was her favorite band and her favorite shirt of mine. I know that's not typical funeral attire but she told us not to wear all black or she'd come back to haunt us. Now I don't really believe in ghosts but if it is something that Cj wanted then I was going to do it. I even got her mom's permission to play "Centuries" I know ch would be happy about that. 

Shorty after we arrived it began. I looked around and didn't see a single person in all black, I know cj would approve. It came time for me to speak I stood up and slowly walked up to the stand. I pulled out an old note car  I had been writing and erasing on all day. Then I began.

"I don't want to go through all the "she was too young" or "cj didn't deserve to die and she was so sweet" that's not personal at all. For that I could take just about any funeral speech and switch the names out. Instead I want to get personal. I'm going to just tell you about some of my favorite memories I have with her. We've been friends for ever, but we started realizing we maybe wanted to be more then friends one Wednesday at our youth group and we bonded over a  verses it was 1 Corinthians 13:7, "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures every circumstance." and after what we've been through these past few months I could say that is definitely a true statement. Our first "date" wasn't really a date we really just ended up falling asleep on the couch while we were taking care of May when she was sick. The next few  months were, what we called, perfection. We would always hang out on the weekends. I remember the first time she went to the clinic about her neck I kept telling her not to worry. But then when she found out she had cancer, I could tell she was worried and when I asked if she was ok all she  said was "Maybe." Then when ever we took her to get surgery, I remember the night before we ended up falling a sleep in he hospital bed together then the next, her "Big day", I was really worried about her even though I knew she was in great hands. And when she came home and we hadn't our own little reunion she literally almost died. She had forgotten about her air tank and went to walk off with out it, then the tubes some how ended up smacking her in the face and we were both on the floor laughing until we realized she couldn't breathe. I remember when we shaved her hair off and we posted the before and after pics and caption the after one "goodbye" that day I was going to shave my head too, to show her my support but she would let me. It's really sad to say that she never got to perform with the drill team, that was a dream of hers. When she was trying to pick a video to send in, I remember her having a hard time choosing so she asked for my help. She was really thankful and I just said "Anytime, love." Meaning that I would be there for her anytime she needed me. One of the hardest things we went through was when she had a lot of complications and we didn't know what was going on, and all we wanted were answers. Then when she was finally back I remember how normal we felt, it was amazing. She always helped me get through some hard times in my life like when I was having nightmares so when she was denied access to our schools' homecoming me and her friends threw her her own 'home'coming. Then that night she was rushed to the hospital after she fainted and all I needed and could think of was needing her to stay. Then when we found out she was dying I went home with her family and left the hospital for the last time. Towards the end of her life it was hard to see her accept dying, but she handled it very well. I remember just the other night finishing things up with her and telling her everything that was on my mind. Then she was gone. Plain and simple. I don't really have much more to say that isn't super personal, so I'd like to rap up by fulfilling one of her requests and that is to play " Centuries" by Fall Out Boy." Just as planned they started playing her song and I walked back to my seat.

Every one started to file out as the walked out the all went by her casket. We all went to the cemetery to burie her. I could still see a bunch of her little quirks that she had asked to be added to her funeral, like playing Fall Out Boy, no one wearing all black, her being dressed in her ripped skinny jeans, FOB shirt, her worn red converse, her new promise ring and the hat I got her a while ago, and finally having a dash of glitter mixed with the dirt everyone is tossing onto her casket. She always wanted to have the glitter thing one so she can still be fabulous after death and two she hoped that some of the glitter will stick to everyone's hands so they don't lose her as quickly as they would without it. 

This was definitely her funeral, with all the little quirks. Man I miss her a lot. I still haven't talked to anyone except for at the service, I haven't cried or eaten anything  and my parents don't know it yet but I've been flushing my pills down the toilet instead of taking them, but this wasn't the place to tell them, this was her funeral.