Hidden Behind Everything Happy

Appeasement Of The Heart

Chapter Three

(but she had to keep searching anyway)

"What do you want for tea you two?" My mother said smiling, she loved the fact that I had the perfect boyfriend, that we lived in the perfect house and that she looked like the perfect mother. In reality she was a deceptive liar.  

I was super happy that Riley was here with me, I didn't cope too well being alone with my mum, it was so awkward her pretending everything was fine when I secretly hated her guts for lying to me. But Riley was my rock, he had this amazing ability to make up for my rudeness by being super polite to her. 

"What do you fancy?" I said looking at Riley, he noticed sometimes how I avoided talking to my mother at all costs. He smiled back, the cutest dimple appearing in the centre of his chin. I leaned in playfully and bit his nose, he frowned confused and then his eyes twinkled in recognition.  

"Um... Whatever, I honestly don't mind" She replied quickly hearing the raggedness of his breath, she never interrupted or dared enter my room when Riley was here, and very rarely when he wasn't.  

"Okay then, I'll do pizza and salad" I rolled my eyes, my mother seemed to think that every teenager loved pizza, no matter how many times I told her Riley hated it. I frowned compassionately.  

"I'm sorry, we'll sneak out later and go to the Chinese" He smiled from ear to ear making me giggle happily. I felt whole, with him I felt fixed. Like he was slowly gluing back together the mess my mother had left my heart in.  

"That's more like it babe!" He pushed me backwards so that he was leaning on me, he turned to me and lent his head on mine so we were looking at each other.  

"You do know you haven't asked me to stay?" I thought hard, I had, I swear I had, I must have. Does he not want to stay? Or does he? I always found it hard to read Riley because he had these eyes which constantly looked happy and brimming with ecstasy.  

"Well I just assumed you would want to, I mean I wouldn't want you to feel like you had to or anything, I just thought that maybe... I um..." I felt my cheeks getting hotter, the blood rising to the surface as embarrassment set in, so cheeks, trying to give me away huh? I thought annoyed at my reaction to feeling uncomfortable.  

"Babe, I do want to, trust me I do. But I think I need to talk to you" My insides screamed, oh god no. I could feel it, see it in his eyes. The resignation that we were going nowhere, I felt my heart unfolding, allowing my panic and rage and heartbreak to fall through the gaps and make it hard for me to breathe. I kept it inside though. I couldn't cry in front of him.  

"Why?" I knew my voice didn't sound right, I felt strangled by the ball of panic rising in my throat. He gave me a look of sympathy and confusion.  

"When you came in on Monday you looked kind of sad, and then everyone was talking about the party, and that I was waiting for it for ages, and I wasn't. I wasn't with you just for that, I mean I wanted it, I wanted you really bad but... You didn't feel like I was pressuring you did you?" I let out one long and shaky breath, he seemed to take it as an answer though because he swung his feet to the floor and breathed out slowly lowering his head into his hands. He looked so ashamed and in pain when he looked at me again. I just wanted to take all his pain away. 

"I swear I didn't mean for you to feel like that" I saw his eyes glaze over as he looked at the floor with a pain in his eyes that broke my heart. 

"No you didn't, honest you didn't. I knew you weren't with me for that" I launched at his back and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, he didn't move to hug me back which hurt. Oh god, I thought, don't let me lose him?