Hidden Behind Everything Happy

My name is Sophie. I'm nineteen, and the whole world fell apart in front of me three years ago, and no matter what I do or how hard I try I cant seem to get it out of my head. Its like everything I do and think pulls me back to that day, to that day when everything went wrong.

Then again, I suppose things have to be broken so they can be fixed again... So I'm taking you back...

To the day that I lost everything. Three years ago... Today. This is my story of how the last three years helped me, and changed me, and partially destroyed me.

"Do you really expect me to believe my father is dead when I have been getting letters from him for the past sixteen years, how god damn stupid do you think I am mum?" My Mother flinched. How could she do this to me? Lie to me in this way and try and make me believe something that cant be true.

But what if it could be true?

What if everything I thought was real wasn't and everything I believed in was a total lie. It didn't bear thinking about, but I couldn't help it. It was as if my world was caving in, the walls imploding and me being crushed slowly to death as all the goodness and dreams of one day finding my Father faded away like a wave in a tide.

"Sophie, I'm sorry, its just you were so young, you couldn't have handled the truth then. You wouldn't have understood, I couldn't tell you the truth" I closed my eyes and screamed, it was like my heart burst and fractured; breaking into a million shards that stabbed me internally until the pain was too much to bear.

"What about my birthday cards and my weekly letters? All those wonderful things he did and all those people I was going to meet. Why are you doing this to me, I love my Dad, why are you lying to me?" Part of me felt broken and torn apart. I hadn't even told her about my good news, about the wonderful thing that was happening to me. It seemed so silly now, so inconsequential. Feeble.

"Darling you have to understand it was an accident, you were so young when it happened and he had left already, I got a phone call telling me what had happened on your third birthday. you were too young and the pretence just got worse. You started growing up and seeing other children with their parents and you were asking about your Daddy and I couldn't explain. You wouldn't of understood Sophie please!" I dared to look at her and felt my hatred burning deeply, emanating from my dark lightning blue eyes; cosmic blue, the twin of Dad's eyes.

"I hate you, I fucking hate you!" With that, my heart fractured and while bleeding all my dreams away, I ran from the room. I heard Mum calling my name but I ignored her. How dare she keep something like this from me. All this time, everything she'd ever told me was a lie!

It seemed the longest run of my life, running to my special place, one of many. One of my secret hideaways, a place where I should be now. Away from her, anywhere but next to that lying evil little dream shattering cow. I was crying, diamond-like salty tears falling down my face, my cheeks getting all wet because of her raising under false pretenses. My life was a lie. I hated her!

10/4/2012

I remember sitting in that cemetery for hours, it had always been my favourite place. I had never known why before but maybe being around so many dead people was bringing me subconsciously closer to my dad, in the spiritual sense at least. Or maybe I really was as crazy as the world felt then. All I know is that ever since I've been brave, and held my chin up high, being the person I was before. Happy and lighthearted, the hopeful one, the one who saw the good in people, the nice kind one, the one everybody loved and wanted to be and resented with a passion. The popular girl, that's me. . . and I hate every moment of it.

Authors POV

Hey Guys, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, please comment and tell me spelling mistakes and things as my proof reading skills leave something to be desired. I really enjoy writing this book, and I would love to hear back from the people reading it!!! (hint hint, nudge nudge, wink wink) haha!! :D

Also take a look at the trailer that is linked to the side which my good friend Plurple has made for me, she rocks!!! :D xxxxxxxxx WOOP WOOP FOR PLURPLE, CHECK HER OUT TOO GUYS!!

Okay well I hope you enjoy... Love Samantha xxx