Hidden Behind Everything Happy

It's all over now

"I'm sorry Sophie" Mum had been shocked when Lukas had been too weak to wash himself in the shower and I had gone in their with him. 'What are you playing at, going in a shower with a boy!' all I'd said in response was enough to get her to feel guilty.  

"Are you telling me that if my dad had been bloody and bruised and barely able to stand you wouldn't of helped him to clean up his cuts" That made her leave, and I didn't feel the least bit guilty about it. If she couldn't understand that I would do anything for Lukas, including helping him wash when he was weak then she didn't know me at all.  

"I didn't mean to get you in trouble" Lukas said pitifully full of remorse and sadness, I hated hearing him talk like that. I was sat cross legged on my bed, and Lukas was laying under my duvet in his boxer shorts, I'd been polite and not looked at his manhood while we'd been in the shower together or when he'd been putting his boxers on. I had gone in the shower in my clothes and now I was sat in the same clothes, the effects of shock slowly seeping into me. I had seen a man beat his own child, kick him in the ribs and brutalise him, and then I myself was assaulted. I could feel the cold from the open window beating my wet skin and I felt the goosebumps rising on my arms but I did nothing to stop it. It was like it would make no difference to the coldness I was feeling inside.  

"Sophie, are you okay?" I suddenly felt very ill, and as I tried to talk I found myself retching, I ran to the toilet and puked up all that my stomach had to offer me, which was a salad sandwich and a strawberry smoothie...I ended up leaning half over the toilet pulling my hair back from my face hating myself for making myself look like such a fool in front of Lukas. He needed me to be strong for him right now, he certainly didn't need me throwing up in the toilet bowl.  

"Are you okay?" I heard how weak Lukas' voice was and I literally hated myself for not being stronger for him. He could see in my eyes how disappointed I was with myself and he took a couple shaky steps forward to me, it was the last straw to my (up til now) violent free mind.  

"Please go back to bed, I'm fine nothing to worry about" I urged again cursing myself verbally, why did I have to look so god damn bloody stupid in front of him? Why couldn't I not be such a little pussy and be a bit more tough? 

"You do know that you are the weirdest girl I know" I was sat next to the toilet my hands held up to my eyes crying my heart out. I'll blame the shock, but I think it was more down to the fright of thinking I might watch Lukas die in front of my eyes, I wouldn't have been able to deal with that.  

"Shut up, you shouldn't have kept this from me you idiot!" I said hanging my fist on the floor hard not caring that mum would be looking up expecting to see a crack appear in the ceiling overhead.  

"Hey baby, come back to bed" I was sobbing profusely in my knees, I felt a hand go around my back and the a hand swept under my chin, I felt so broken when I looked at him.  

"You know" I said sniffling into my towel that hung on the side of my bath "If you weren't black and blue, and I wasn't crying like an idiot then that would have been really sexy" I half smiled half cried as I spoke and he used one hand to wipe away my tears. I smiled at the gentleness of his skin on mine.  

"I love you for what you did today" Lukas wrapped an arm under my legs and I braced myself for the impact as his unready legs dropped and we both hit the floor, but the impact never came. 

"Lukas, didn't you love me anyway?" He was pulling the windows closed lightly and the curtains across after laying me on the bed carefully. He brought my toothbrush to me equipped with red, white and blue toothpaste and a small bowl for me to spit into, ever so ladylike.  

"I've always loved you Sophie, your my best friend" He smiled like that explained everything in the world, I smiled thoughtfully and brushed my teeth, spitting the remaining minty spit into the bowl. Before pushing it under my bed.  

"I've never been in a girls bedroom other than yours" I smiled and swigged a mouthful of water from my full glass that Lukas had thoughtfully placed beside me. It tasted like heaven and washed away the scent and taste of sick.  

"Come to bed" I squirmed under the covers feeling snug, I pulled off my trousers and top and threw then out the side of the bed, he looked from the clothes to me with wide eyes and raised eyebrows.  

"What, you really expect me to be hot and sticky all night because I'm sharing the bed with you and wear layers too?" I made it sound like some kind of torture... He turned off the light and slid into bed behind me hissing as he breathed, finding the bending awkward and painful. I immediately sat up and held out my hand like a reflex. He took my hand and I felt how his skin was icy. 

"Your cold"  

"Your hot"  

"Am I?" I replied running my other hand up my arm, he laughed like I had no common sense at all.  

"I didn't mean your hot in heat" I could actually imagine him winking at me which was something I had never actually seen before.  

That night was the best of my life, I was asleep in his arms, him holding me tight and when I woke up in the middle of the night crying he calmed me down and I went back to sleep holding his hands. And I woke up in the same position, our legs tangled together and our hands holding each other. One hand was on my hip and he was massaging the inside of my leg obviously still thinking I was asleep.  

"Stop doing that" I breathed out sounding way more sexual than I meant to, no point in stopping mid sentence though "That is seriously driving me crazy" He gave me a rather perplexed look before picking up pace and moving his hands slightly. 

"I don't think I've ever driven a girl crazy before" I very much doubted that. And then he moved his hands... 

(sorry audience but I'll have to stop you from entering my thoughts at the moment, my thoughts are not for public viewing)