Just This Once (COMPLETED)

Kabanata 32

#JustThisOnce

Kabanata 32 

I felt Parker stiffened, but that didn't stop me from kissing him. My hands were all over him. I just... really, really wanted him.

Really wanted to know if he wanted me, too.

"Gen—" he said, his voice sounded like he was tempted, but something was stopping him.

"Don't stop," I told him. I was looking him in the eye. I needed him to know that I wouldn't stop him... kung anuman ang gusto niyang mangyari. "You said that if you kiss me, you won't be able to stop..." My chest was heaving and I was breathing heavily. "Then don't stop, Parker."

Naka-tingin ako sa kanya, hinihintay ang sasabihin niya. My heart was pounding so loud inside my chest... God, I fucking sounded so desperate.

Ilang segundo ang lumipas pa. Wala akong narinig mula sa kanya... maliban sa tunog ng puso ko na unti-unting nababasag. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng tinanggihan. Ang sakit-sakit pala. Akala ko masakit na iyong mga napagdaanan ko sa buhay... Iyong niloko ako, bumagsak... pero iba pa rin pala iyong sakit na kayang ibigay sa akin ni Parker.

I couldn't move. I just felt like anything I do would make him see me as even more desperate. Because here I was, throwing myself at him pero ni hindi man lang niya magawang tumingin sa gawi ko.

Mabilis kong binuksan iyong pintuan ng sasakyan niya at saka naglakad palabas. I knew I promised myself that I'd always try to understand him... to prioritize him kasi nasaktan ko na siya... but God, this sucked big time.

My hearts were shaking and I couldn't bring myself to open the door. At nang tuluyan ko nang mabuksan, bigla kong narinig iyong yabag ni Parker mula sa likuran ko. My entire system went into panic. Mabilis akong pumasok at akmang isasara ko na ang pinto nung maharang niya ang kamay niya.

"Shit!" he cursed nang maipit iyon sa pagitan ng pinto.

Nagulat ako pero hindi ko nagawang buksan iyong pinto. I just widened it enough para maalis niya iyong kamay niya. "Just go home, Parker," hirap na sabi ko.

"No," matigas niyang sabi. "Open the door."

"No," I stubbornly replied. I used my full force para mapanatili na sarado iyong pinto. I didn't think I had enough shame to face him again! I was so desperate that I should've just stripped naked in front of him! Nakakahiya ako!

"Then move away from the door," he said.

"What?"

"I'm gonna break this door down."

"Parker!"

"I won't go home unless you talk to me," he stubbornly said, too. "It's your choice, Genesis. Either you let me in or watch me break your door," seryoso na sabi niya. I knew he'd follow through his threat. Kasi kahit naman libro ang palaging kausap ni Parker, alam ko na sa tuwing gumigising siya, he always made an effort to run on his treadmill and do push ups. Kaya nga even though he's a nerd, he's a hot nerd.

Unti-unti kong niluwagan iyong pinto at saka mabilis na nasa harapan ko na si Parker.

"Wag mo nga akong tignan," I said. He kept on staring. Tinakpan ng kamay ko iyong mukha ko pero mabilis niya iyong tinanggal. "Ano ba?" naiinis na sabi ko.

"Talk to me. Look at me," he said.

I pursed my lips. I didn't even have words to describe the shame I was feeling... sobrang nakakahiya. Na parang gusto ko na lang lumubog sa lupa kaysa sa tignan siya sa mata.

"Genesis," he continued, his voice was stern. "Look at me," he demanded.

Hindi pa rin ako gumalaw. Parker took a step forward. Nahigit ko ang hininga ko.