Just This Once (COMPLETED)

Kabanata 23

#JustThisOnce

Kabanata 23 

Parker kept on calling. I kept on ignoring. Binilisan ko ang lakad hanggang sa humina ang bawat pagtawag niya sa pangalan ko. My chest was clenching in pain, but I chose to heed no attention to the agony. Ayokong saktan si Parker... God, hurting him was the last thing I would want to do. Pero alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi tama iyong ginagawa namin.

We became together too soon.

We weren't even both fully healed from the scars our past left us...

Just because we're both fragments of who we were didn't mean we could make each other whole.

And when I couldn't hear him calling me anymore, I sat down and hugged my knees. Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Bigla akong natulala.

I just... did it. I broke up with him. I ended what just barely started.

"I'm sorry," I kept on muttering though he couldn't hear me. "I'm sorry..." I said as tears began to flow. My chest tightened and my eyes were clouded with tears. I just hurt him... and promised him that I wouldn't. Na hindi ko siya iiwan katulad ng ginawa nila sa kanya...

But I was just saving us from an even bigger heartbreak.

We're both broken... and our shards would pierce us deeply. Mas lalo lang kaming masasaktan kapag pinagpatuloy namin.

I knew he'd hate me... but I knew he'd understand me. Malalaman niya kung saan ako nanggaling. Na mali na tumalon agad kami kahit hindi kami handa. Na may tamang panahon para sa lahat ng bagay.

And sadly... this wasn't our time yet.

* * *

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal akong nakaupo. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na umiyak hanggang sa mapagod ako... Hindi ko rin alam kung hanggang gaano ako katagal doon kung hindi ko naramdaman iyong cellphone ko.

I whipped my phone out and saw Maven calling. I was torn between breaking my phone so that he could never poison my mind again and giving in because I just needed someone to talk to.

Just anyone.

I needed someone to tell me that I didn't make a mistake. Na hindi ako tanga sa ginawa ko... and I knew Maven wasn't the best choice but he's the one who wouldn't lie to me kahit na gaanong kasakit ang katotohanan.

"Where are you?" he asked.

I wiped my tears and calmed my breathing. "On the way," I lied. I was stuck in the middle of the road. My eyes were red from all the crying. My mind was wandering. I was a mess. I was in no condition to meet people, let alone meet Maven's family and pretend to be someone that I was not.

I was succeeding on keeping my emotions at bay when I accidentally let out a whimper.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"Papunta na—"

"Just answer the question," he cut me off. He had always called me on my bluff. Ni hindi niya ako masyadong kilala pero alam niya kapag hindi ako nagsasabi ng totoo.

"School," I replied, my chest still tightening. Akala ko ay sasagot siya pero biglang naputol iyong tawag. I tried to calm my breathing, but my chest wouldn't let me. Ilang beses na nagbadya na tumulo ulit ang luha ko pero pilit kong pinipigilan. I had already shed enough tears for tonight. Gusto ko na magpahinga.

Mabilis akong naglakad para maghanap ng taxi. I couldn't ride the jeep. I knew I probably looked horrible. Kanina pa ako iyak nang iyak.

"Get in," Maven said when he stopped his car in front of me. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa isip ko pero hindi na ako nakipagtalo. I willingly got inside his car and rested my head against the window.