The Change (The Alliance #2)

Chapter 20

Archer's POV

I've come to a conclusion. After struggling and thinking since I've came back to the Alliance, I know what I want to do.

I want to die...

It seems like a bad thing to think, and I've told myself that many times. But it seems worth it. Evelyn even told me this. Why didn't she kill me when I was there? Simple. Because dying is good, living is horrible.

And I'm done suffering.

I've encountered all the pain living does to you. In fact, for only being a teenager I've experienced more pain than most other people. Never would I have thought I would be tortured; be put in a small cube, be whipped, be forced to watch a sibling die, sit behind bars for most days, and not eating for weeks. I never knew I had that coming.

Did I deserve it?

Probably. Evelyn was right; I'm a cold hearted person, I'm the bad guy.

Bad guys never have happy endings.

So maybe this is when I'm supposed to die. How? I don't know, maybe Adam could do the job. An "accidental" thing, maybe. But Adam is the good guy.

Although usually the good guys kill the bad.

But as he sits on his bed across from me, a smile on his face, I know he would never.

I give him a small smile back, only because he said some joke I was not listening to. He knows this, he knows I zone out over half the time he talks to me.

"You never liked my jokes, hah!" Adam says.

Maybe Mia could do it. She's killed me before.

Mia. I saw her earlier. Why was she looking at me like that? So innocent, so scared? It's probably my fault. I wrecked her; I tore her away from her home, I put her through shit, hell, I put her through me.

I wrecked her, but she wrecked me right back.

Maybe she knew this was coming. She knew I was going to die, so she helped me, made it a little faster. Maybe she wanted Evelyn to do the job, to rid of me once and for all.

"Archer! Hey, it's okay!"

I feel Adam's arms around me. I didn't even realize I've clenched the sides of my bed, gasping and sweating like crazy.

This surprises me every time.

But it happens all the time.

"What was it this time?" Adam asks.

"About dying." I say simply. Adam freezes. "Dying? Come on bud, you aren't dying."

How do you know?

I nod, though.

"Maybe you should get some sleep. It's late." He says.

Sleeping gives me nightmares. Bad idea.

"I guess." I say. "You can hang out with your friends, I'm okay alone."

"You are my friend. And I'm not going to leave you alone."

Dave probably told him to keep an eye on me. He's probably forced. Poor guy.

"She wants to see you, though."

She?

"Who are you talking about." I say.

"Mia."

I freeze at the name again. She wants to see me. She wants to kill me.

"She loves you, you know. I don't know how you feel, but her feelings won't change."