We'll Be A Memory

We'll Be A Memory- Ch. 11

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Read on my minions, read on! 

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To say that I was worried about Jonah would be an understatement.

It was all I thought about for the next two days. It took over my every thought. It was like this virus that started in my stomach, and was spreading its way throughout my body, poisoning everything it came in contact with. I tried everything to distract myself from what happened two nights ago. I've painted, watched TV, even tried to just relax and read. Nothing has worked. I've just been sitting in my room, listening to music, waiting for him to call me back. It was mind-numbing, and made the hours drag by. It was the worst kind of torture.

I honestly don't get what I did wrong. I was just trying to take an interest in his life. Isn't that what good girlfriends are supposed to do? I mean, I've been around tons of sucky girlfriends who could care less about when their boyfriend's birthday is, let alone how his life was going. All I've been doing is wracking my brain for anything I could have done that would have upset him. I've come up with nothing.

I climbed into my bed, and wrapped my duvet around my body. I inhaled deeply, the strong scent of clean cotton calming me down. I had just picked up the remote to turn on the TV when my phone rang.

I froze for a millisecond, heat rushing through my veins. Please God, please let this be him. Let this be Jonah. I jumped out of my bed, and stumbled to my desk. I picked up the phone, and stared at the caller ID. Jonah. My hand were sweaty, and blood was pounding in my ears. 

"Hello?" I placed a shaky hand on my forehead. 

"Hey babe. Meet me at Cornerstone?"

I let out a sigh of relief. Okay, so he didn't call just to break my heart, I could breathe now. A smile creeped across my face as I realized he was asking my out. I glanced at the clock. 2:12 pm. "Ye-Yeah, that sounds great. I'll meet you there in thirty minutes." 

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I plopped down on the bench, inhaling the sweet scent of the sea salt. I sat back and watched the waves break below me. Each time they hit the shore, the water repelled off the huge rocks and cliff, sending sea spray throughout the air. I leaned my head back against the bench, my eyes closed. The sun was sinking below the horizon, making it comfortably warm. The bright beams rested atop my eyelids, creating a soft glow.

I was waiting on the patio at Cornerstone, my favorite little cafe in Pensacola. It sat atop a cliff, right above the ocean. The cafe was in my home-town, giving it a special place in my heart. It was one of the places my dad used to take me when he amd Mom were fighting and he needed to get out. We'd come here, and he'd buy one of their infamous brownies for us to share. Then we'd just sit on the patio of the cafe, watching the waves breaking, not saying a thing. It's the simple little things that bring back the most memories. 

I lifted my head up as I felt something stir next to me. Jonah was sitting on the bench, watching me.

"Oh, hey. I didn't see you there."

He smiled.  "Of course you didn't see me, your eyes were closed." I bit my lip and looked down at my hands folded in my lap, my cheeks a furious shade of red. The littlest things he did made me blush.

He cleared his throat. "So, uhm... Lex. I think we had better talk."

My head snapped up, my eyes widened in fear. My hands were suddenly shaking, and I thought I was going to puke. I didn't think someone could go from blissfully happy and content to a nervous wreck in seconds. Apparently, I had proved that thought wrong.

"Oh, okay. So uhh.. shoot. What's up?" He turned so his body was no longer facing me, but out towards the water.

"Lex... I think we need a break."

My heart stopped. It was like every nerve in my body was going into overdrive. I was painfully aware of my surroundings; Aware of the chill in the air from the water. Aware of the blood rushing to my face. Aware that he was probably analyzing every little move I was making. Aware that tears were seconds away from spilling down my face. Aware that Jonah had just ended one of the best things that had happened to me.

I looked down at my lap, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Wait.. what? I don't really understand. What's going on?" My words were catching in my throat, and my face felt hot. "Jonah, what are you talking about? Is this some kind of joke or something?"

Tears were silently streaming down my face, and my nose was running. This was a cruel, sick joke. There was no way we were breaking up. I mean, it was just one fight. I don't get how one, little, insignificant argument made him change his mind about me. 

"No Lex, it isn't. It's just, I.. I think.." His voice changed pitches, and I knew he was crying. I didn't even have to look up to know. "I think we're moving too fast. I just, I just don't...." His sentence trailed off into silence.

I sat there, trying to work things out in my brain. It was like solving an impossibly difficult algebra problem.

Suddenly, it all clicked. 

I finished the sentence for him. "You don't want one of us to get hurt or something? Looks like it's too late for that." I stared at the ocean, my face hot and wet from tears. I laughed bitterly. "This is such a joke."

I wanted to get up, but I couldn't force my body to move. It was like I was paralyzed. All I could do was sit next to him, wishing I was anywhere but here. The last thing I wanted to do was sit next to the person who had decided that I wasn't enough for him.

I couldn't even look at him. I trained my eyes on the waves breaking below me. The late afternoon sun gave the sea a green glow. I stared at the horizon, where the dark water met the bright blue sky. My tear-filled eyes made everything blend together; It looked like a water color painting.

I felt something stir next to me, and I turned my head. He was looking at me, and I finally got a proper look at his face.

His eyes were as dark as the night sky, and rimmed in red. The tears gave them a glazed look. His blonde hair was in a mess on top of his head, and I wondered how many times he ran his fingers through it on the way here. His face had red blotches on it, and the crescent-shaped bags under his eyes revealed the he hadn't slept well in a while.  I felt a pang of sorrow for his stress, but it instantly vanished as I realized what he was doing to me. Realized what he was doing to us.

He took a huge breath that made my stomach turn. Whatever he was going to say next wasn't going to be pretty.

"You'll understand soon enough. You'll move on, it'll be fine. If you ever see me again, don't even say hello. Don't worry, before too long we'll be a memory."

He stood up turned his back to me. I wanted to do something, say anything, but I was frozen. I never thought that someone could be actually frozen in place. I saw his blonde curls retreating, and the pain I felt in my heart made me feel like I was being torn in two. 

He had just reached the corner when I could speak. "Hey Jonah," He turned around to look at me, his mouth in a hard line. I tried to decipher any emotion in his face, but there was none.

"I guess it's safe to say I loved you more."

His head looked down, and he turned. He walked away before he was able to hear the sobs take over my body.