We Didn't Agree To This

Whether you like it or not

Nothing changed during the following two months, other than Lindsey moving into the guest room. It wasn't his choice, Stevie made it for him, but she couldn't stand his behavior. He asked and she opened up to him, explaining to him why was it exactly she didn't want him around Carol. She just gave up, she didn't know how to get through to him. They... co-existed. It didn't mean Stevie loved Lindsey less, far from it, but she was only going to let him come back to her, when he truly wanted it. Now, in her opinion, he didn't. It wasn't easy, though. She was well over five months pregnant. The first time she felt their baby move, she gave in, letting her guard down she went and found Lindsey in his home studio, without a word, she took his hands in hers and placed them over the spot the baby had kicked minutes ago. It hurt, this was an exciting time in their life, which they couldn't share together. Stevie had hoped Lindsey would be there for every little thing...

Waking up earlier than usual, since she had a checkup, Stevie took her time in the shower, before getting dressed, as she then made her way down the stairs, tightly grasping the railing. She had also glanced at the guest room door, which was still closed and it didn't surprise her much. It was as if Lindsey was back to the same man he was, when they met each other; he was drinking again, he was heavily smoking pot and he stayed up late, getting out of bed in the middle of the day only to lock himself up in the studio.

Today, however, Stevie had only put the kettle on, when she heard footsteps, then saw Lindsey coming into the kitchen, going straight for a tall glass of water. She was leaning against the kitchen counter, her arms folded over her chest as she watched him. Disheveled, but he was still so very handsome. She longed to be in his embrace, to feel his touch, to feel his lips press against hers. But... Shaking herself mentally, she cleared her throat, wanting to speak, when she realized he had been staring right back at her.

"What?" Lindsey asked, already sounding defensive.

"I, uh... I just wanted to ask you if you could take me to my appointment? I don't feel very comfortable driving myself."

"Shit, is that today?" He ran a hand through his messy curls, seeing her soft facial expression quickly change. "When is it exactly?"

"Forget it."

"No, Steph, when?"

"At 1 pm." She replied, sighing. 

"Damn, I already promised Carol-"

"Oh, go to hell." She wasn't even angry, she was just so over this whole situation.

"I'll do my best to be back in time. If I hurry up, I should get back right before 1 pm and we can be a little bit late, can't we?"

"No, Lindsey, we can't. Forget it. I'll call a car and go by myself." Swatting his hand away, when he tried to reach for her, Stevie went to fill up her mug with boiling water.

"How long are things going to be like this?"

"I don't know, you tell me." Stevie said, without much emotion, as she shrugged her shoulders.

"We've had this conversation so many times..." With a heavy sigh, Lindsey took a seat at the table. 

"That we have, but it never changes our situation, does it?" Lindsey didn't say anything more, so Stevie continued. "I think... I'll be going back home for a while." Frowning, Lindsey listened up. "I just need to get away for some time."

"Home? What are you talking about? Stevie, this is your home."

Shaking her head, she looked at him. "No, it isn't. Not for several months now. And by the way, I'm going to Phoenix."

"You're not! No way!"

"You can't tell me what to do. I'm not leaving forever, I'll spend a few weeks with my parents and come back. Maybe... a bit of time apart will be good for us."

"How can it be good for us? We will only drift farther apart!"

"Well, I'm here and you don't seen to be doing anything to close that gap between us now, so I don't think it will make much difference if I go."

"Steph, but I'm your husband, I love you and I don't want you to leave me." He told her sincerely, but she had had enough of the same line he'd been using lately. 

"And I love you, too. However, I can't seem to stop myself from wondering whether we are meant to be after all. If you wanted to be my husband and if you didn't want me to be leaving, you would be with me. And you're not."

"But-"

"No. Don't say anything more, I've made up my mind. You can call me if you like, but do not come and visit. I just need to be without you for some time."

He thought he felt his heart physically ache, hearing those words. His eyes welled up with tears, as he opened his mouth to speak, but he was actually kind of shocked and he couldn't make a sound.

"I do love you, Lindsey, I really do. Maybe while I'm gone, you'll realize that that might be your reality everyday - without me, and it's up to you to decide whether you like it or not." Passing him by on her way out, Stevie brought her hand to the side of his face, caressing for a moment, before she leaned in to kiss him, lingering for a few seconds, as she then backed off and left him completely stunned.