Hello! Happy NEW YEARS! I hope you are enjoying your story, please comment. Thanks! Happy 2014.
-Eliza xoxo
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Doctors don't know why I do not feel anxious when I drive, or why I am not depressed or why I don't have nightmares about the accident. Neither do I but I guess it's a good thing.
I have bruises, cuts and aches all over my body and I never have complained about the pain. But today I woke up coughing, sending pain radiating through my body. I tried to go to the bathroom but my legs were not responding. They moved, just not properly. So I stayed in bed until finally Tobias came into my room.
''I know you are mad at me. I have apologized about a hundred billion times already but-'' He stops once he sees a tear roll down my cheek. ''What's wrong?"
''Tobias...I can't move my legs.'' I sit up and he sits down beside me. He touches my legs. ''I can feel that...I just can't move them.''
''We need to go the hospital.'' He says. I nod and wipe the tear away.
Mom, Tobias and I drive to the ER and by the time we get there, I have to be put in a wheelchair so they can take me to the clinic.
After a series of medical procedures the doctor comes back.
"Sia, I think your leg malfunction might be due to lower back injuries from the accident...'' He explains how this might take months to show up. The symptoms might be: fever or loss of bowel or bladder control, pain when coughing, and weakness in the legs. Those might indicate a "pinched nerve'' or a "serious condition.'' He says we will try medication first and if it's necessary, surgery. They will start with the usual analgesics and if it's not working then we will move on to Opioids.
I go home and start taking the medication. A week later I get three high fevers and my legs keep on malfunctioning. My back has started to hurt a lot and when I try to move, it makes all my nerves prickle with pain. They have moved to give me the Opioids which have really bad side effects. Dizziness often sends me to bed, impaired judgment does too. I could even grow addicted to it.
Today I am working on homework despite the pounding in my head. Tobias is sitting on the floor playing with his computer.
Bile fills my mouth I run to the bathroom as fast as my almost non-working legs let me. I throw up and he holds my hair as I heave into the toilet.
''I can't take this Tobias, I don't want to take them anymore.'' I say. ''The pain hasn't left, and I still can't use my legs. The meds are going to kill me.''
''Sia, you have to. The only other method left is surgery and that is very risky. Please, just try.''
I wash my mouth as he silently waits leaning against the door behind me. ''Don't you understand? I have taken these for a week, I cannot use them for more than a week, that's what the physician said. I have to get surgery whether I like it or not.''
''You don't have to-''
''I do.'' I cut him off by walking away before he can continue.
Later that afternoon there is a knock on my door. Tobias stands up and opens the door. ''Thank you for coming.'' He says before walking out. Tom steps in.
''Tom?'' I ask. ''What are you doing here?" I must look horrible and I immediately feel self-conscious.
''May I?'' He asks pointing at the spot beside me.
''Of course.'' I scoot over and place all my books beside me. He sits down and looks around my room. ''Why are you here?'' I ask.
His blue-green eyes look more green than blue today. ''I just wanted to come and see you. Tobias tells me that you want to take the surgery.''
''I don't want to, I have to. The physician says that I can't take the medication for more than a week because they might hurt me more than they benefit me.''
''They aren't helping?'' He asks. ''Does it always hurt?''
''All the time. I can't walk, I can't sleep, I can't even breathe without my whole body hurting. I have thrown up every single meal I have eaten and-'' I stop talking, he doesn't care about this. Why should he?
''I'm sorry.'' He says quietly as his eyes scan my whole face.
''Don't be, it isn't your fault.'' I say. He then looks into my eyes and I see guilt clouding his.
''I came to give this to you,'' he pulls out the Romeo and Juliet book, ''so you can read it.''
''Thanks.'' I say. He nods and stands up. ''Wait, don't leave. I mean, if you want to you can stay because I do want you to, but if you don't then-''
He chuckles, ''I do want to stay, love.'' He sits beside me and I cuddle up to him as he puts his arm around me. He starts reading. I listen to his voice reciting the words and feel the movement of his chest against my hand. I'm always falling asleep when he's around, he shouldn't be so comfortable.
''Sia.'' He says as he closes the book. ''Do you still want to know about your accident?''
I shrug feeling groggy, ''Sure.''
''If it was your own fault, would you be angry?'' He asks. I nod. ''If it was someone else's fault would you be angry?'' I nod again.
''Yes.'' I sight. ''I know I told you that I wouldn't want for them to feel guilty but now...I just don't know. If it was me then I would hate myself. And I do think it is my fault.''
''Why would you say that?'' He asks as his arm tightens around Me.
''Mom and Tobias don't want to tell me, maybe because it is my fault and they don't want for me to be mad. If it was someone else's fault...I don't know what I would do. This is horrible. I lost almost everything because of what they did.''
He nods but I can't see his expression when he says this, ''It was not your fault.''
