I'm getting ready to go out for the first time in a while. Like, actually go out. I haven't heard from Lindsey again since our last call and though I'm sad, I can't let myself dwell. I have to be strong. I have to take care of myself and my daughter. Aria is at my parent's house for the evening, she was just taken over after an early dinner. The door bell rings and I go to answer it.
"Dammit, he's early!" I curse, rushing down the stairs when it rings again.
"Hey there, impatient! I didn't know you'd be here so soon!" I say in a flirtatious manner, flinging my door open. "Oh, you're...not who I thought you were" I say, suddenly feeling awkward.
"You're seeing someone?" He asks sadly.
"Yes I am. We're not engaged, Lindsey. Relax" I say, as if that makes the shock any easier to deal with.
"I'd sure hope not! We're still married, Stevie!" Lindsey says, getting angry. He pushes past me, slamming my door. "Has he met my daughter?"
"She's my daughter too!"
"Answer me"
"No, he hasn't but he knows about her. He wants to get to know her. Why are you here?" I'm standing my ground. His mood is scaring me a little but I will not back down.
"I came to surprise you. But I guess I'm the one who got one hell of a surprise."
"Excuse me but you're all loved up with Kristen. I understand that you share a child but you don't have to sleep with her."
He hesitates, not fully making eye contact. "I'm not"
"Sure" I say and it's obvious I don't believe him.
"What does he do for you that I can't?"
"He's honest" Inside I'm applauding myself. Good one, Stevie! He shifts uncomfortably and I know he has no idea what to say. "Now if you don't mind, I have to finish getting ready" I turn to leave and he follows me up the stairs.
"Where's Aria while you're dating some random guy?"
"He's not random. Its really none of your business Lindsey. We are separated and have been for a while now." I get to my room and turn to him. "Aria is at my parents' house."
"If I stick around, can I see her tomorrow?"
"That sounds fine" I say. "Can you call me from the hotel so I know how to reach you?"
"I have a cell phone. Let me give you the number." He writes it down on a post it for me. "I guess I will leave you alone then" He goes back down the stairs and I really don't want to see him walk away but before I can say anything, he's gone.
----
Robert, my "boyfriend", is a great man. He's smart, funny, caring, thoughtful, and so romantic. He's a well built, tall, dark and handsome kind of guy. We go out very casually, he's great company. I like him a lot but he's not Lindsey. We both know that. We've gone out to dinner, dancing, but usually he cooks and we just hang out and watch movies at his house over the weeks we have known each other. I know he deserves someone who will really want him for who he is. I'm just so afraid of being lonely and any time I call, he drops everything for me. It's wrong, very wrong of me to hold onto him for selfish reasons. Part of me liked seeing the passion in Lindsey's eyes when he found out I was seeing someone. I always hated how jealous he was before but now...it's such a turn on.
It's very late at night, and I can't sleep. I know Robert isn't awake, he has to be up early for work tomorrow. I stare at my bed side table and notice the post it note on it. I sit up, and pick up the phone. My heart is waging a war with my mind and the heart wins. I dial the new, unfamiliar number and wait a little bit. It goes to voicemail. Stupid heart! I lay back down and pull the covers up high. I'm still awake, I'm bored, there's nothing on tv downstairs- I already checked.
I sigh, closing my eyes and willing myself to go to sleep. At least it's better than staring at the ceiling.
The phone rings and I am so grateful for the distraction.
"Sorry I missed your call" he says before I speak.
"It's okay, baby" I tell him.
"Oooh, baby? Little ole me?" He teases.
"Shut up" I say, trying my best not to smile. "Force of habit"
"Sure. I know you still like me" he says.
"You're a little shit sometimes, you know that?"
"Hey, is that how you talk to someone you call at 3 o'clock in the morning?"
"You're right. I'm sorry" Ugh why is he so cute? You're supposed to hate him, Stevie.
"So why did you call?"
"I can't sleep"
"Have you actually tried?"
"Yes"
"Why don't I come over?"
"Awful presumptuous of you, Mr Stranger"
"It's Mr Buckingham to you, lady" I giggle girlishly. "So do you want to be bored out of your mind or do you want me to come over so we can crack one open and watch a movie?" He offers.
"Fine. Come over but don't ring the bell. Aria is asleep"
"See you in a few"
"I love you" I say then curse myself.
"What?"
"I, I said, see you soon" I say then hang up. I get up and check my appearance in the mirror. I brush my teeth and smooth my wild hair. When I'm finished I go downstairs and wait for him. He does what I said and didn't ring the bell but he also doesn't knock. Still, I know he has arrived. Boy, is he handsome! Devastatingly so! One look at him and those puppy love feelings come back. My heart beats faster, my palms are sweaty, there are butterflies in my stomach and he takes my breath away.
"Wow, you look..." he begins
"Awful, I know, I've been tossing and turning for hours. I'm sorry."
"That's not what I was going to say. I was going to say beautiful"
"You don't have to flatter me"
"I'm not trying to"
"Well, I think you're beautiful too" I cup his cheek in my hand and he smiles. Then I lightly slap it and run. He chases after me, tackling me to the couch. I'm giggling like mad and we're both breathing so heavily, staring at each other and the world stops turning for a second. Then as if I'm on fire, he backs off, standing back up and straightening his clothes. I sit up, smoothing my hair. "So, uh, wanna beer?"
"Stevie Nicks has beer in her fridge?" He says, feigning shock.
"Stop teasing me. Do you want one or not?"
"Sure, baby doll"
"Ooh baby doll?? Little ole me?" I say, remembering what he had said on the phone.
"Hush, mama. Get me a beer"
"Coming right up, Big Daddy" I wink at him and get in the fridge to grab him a beer. I feel eyes on me and I turn around. "Yes?"
"Nothing" he says looking away. I bring him his beer and give him the bottle opener.
"Do the honors?" I ask and he obliges.
"You're having one too?" He asks as I hand him my bottle to open. I nod. "I'm shocked"
"Well, a lot has happened since we were together"
"Yeah, yeah it has" he says. We sit in silence for a moment, drinking.
I rethink what I said and I feel awful about it. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"
"No, I get it. I'm the one who messed up. I'm lucky to even get to be sitting with you right now"
"I never wanted it to be like that." I said sadly. "I wish things wouldn't have gone this way"
"Me too" he says and he hugs me because he knows I need it. It feels good to be in his arms but I still feel so upset about everything that's happened.
"What happened to us?" I ask, tears falling down my cheeks.
"I don't know, baby" He holds my face in his hands and I look up into his eyes. "I'm still so fucking crazy about you, woman."
"Kiss me then" I tell him, looking from his eyes to his lips then back up again. He leans in and the way our lips fit together feels so right. He deepens the kiss and my tongue fights for entrance. He grants it and all the passion we weren't able to share for 6 months catches up to us in this one kiss.
"Tell me what you said on the phone" he tells me. "That thing you said when you thought I didn't hear" He looks at me desperately. "Say it, I need to hear it. Please, Stevie"
"I...I love you" I say. "No matter how crazy you make me, no matter how many times you break my heart. I love you so much. Forever."
"I love you too. Forever baby" Tears fall down his cheeks too and he's sniffling so much. This has been so hard on both of us. We can't deny our love any longer. We take each other's clothes off and let our bodies join in the most beautiful and pleasurable way we know how until the sun comes up.
