My house is packed with guests. A huge breakfast feast is made and we have to go into the formal dining to have enough room for everyone. We've got Mick, John, Karen, Waddy, my mother and father, Lindsey's mother Ruth and various other people Lindsey thought should be invited. I'm being pampered like a princess, people waiting on me hand and foot. I am supremely pregnant, supremely tired and supremely emotional. Getting everyone together is such a sentimental thing for me and being surrounded by such love is exactly what I need right now. I've dressed up to the best of my ability and I feel so good about myself, draped in dark gossamer. My hair has gotten so incredibly long and I love the look of it. I think everyone should have long hair, no matter what. The only thing I don't like about my hair is how long it takes to wash, dry and style. I have my mother help me curl it with a curling iron and pin it into place to cool so I can make this style last more than three seconds with all the work it takes to do. I do my make up and spray on a new perfume Lindsey bought me as a pre-baby present. I put on two necklaces: my prized crescent moon necklace and one that has beautiful angel wing on it, another present from Lindsey. I unpinned my hair and sprayed it lightly with hair spray, not thinking. Chemicals beyond the occasional coffee have terrified me the entire pregnancy and here I go immersing myself in a cloud of toxicity right as she's about to get here. My mother tells me that in her day they would drink and smoke the whole time and they all turned out fine so I guess that's something (though it really isn't). Either way, her words make me laugh and it put me in a much better mood. I come downstairs and I am hugged by every single person in the house.
"You look gorgeous, Stephanie" Mick says, his voice soft and loving. "This little girl is going to be a knock out"
"Aww thank you. And thank you for coming"
"It was my pleasure, love" He kisses my cheek, giving me a final hug.
"Johnny!" I squeal.
"With everyone here I thought you would have forgotten all about me"
"Oh come on, you know I like the quiet types" I wink at him and give him a big hug.
"You are a vision"
"Thank you."
More people to greet and I'm getting tired already. I hate that about these last weeks with her in my belly. I can literally fall asleep anywhere. Last night I fell asleep at the kitchen counter, and the day before Lindsey and I were playing songs for each other at the piano and I fell asleep mid song. Thankfully, he was the one playing and not me. That would have been far more embarrassing! Finally, I'm able to sit down and Lindsey sits next to me, taking my hand in his.
"You look amazing" he whispers in my ear.
"Thank you, baby" I kiss him softly and he closes his eyes.
"I have never been more in love with you" he tells me, opening his eyes. "You are the light of my life"
"My love for you grows exponentially everyday. I never imagined we would get here. We have great careers, we're married, having a baby..."
"It's amazing, isn't it?"
"It definitely is. The best birthday gift in the world"
"Happy 50th, beautiful girl."
"Ooh don't say that number"
"Happy 37th" he jokes.
"Much better." I say.
"You look not a day over 25" he says, kissing me.
"Okay, now you're pushing it" We smile at each other, pressing our foreheads together. "I love you"
"I love you too"
After breakfast, which pretty much lasts all day, I am given presents and people tell me sweet stories about how we met or things they remember about other birthdays they have spent with me. They give me all wisdom they possess about being a mother for the first time. They calm my anxieties immensely and I cry, knowing so many people love her and they haven't even met her. We toast to our Baby Buckingham and put on some music. I get up to go to the kitchen where my mother is talking with my father, Ruth and Karen and I feel an almost unfamiliar twinge. I don't even give it a second thought, putting it down to growing pains like I had weeks ago. I freaked out then and I wasn't about to do it again. I was determined to celebrate my birthday and enjoy it the best I could at 37 weeks pregnant. I feel beautiful, and confident and with all the love showered upon us today, I am on cloud nine. Lindsey wraps his arms around me, kissing my lips tenderly.
"How are we feeling?" He asks, rubbing my enormous bump.
"Good, a little tired but very good"
"Do you need to rest?"
"No, I'm not ready for that. I want to hang out with everyone a little longer"
"Alright, but you tell me if you need a minute to regroup, okay?"
"Okay. Let's have fun."
The phone rings and Karen runs through the house to grab it. "Lindsey!" She yells over the crowd and he goes to answer it. He's gone for several minutes and I am inconsolable, knowing exactly what this call is about. I haven't told my parents but my mother holds me anyway. She has always been my very best friend and my biggest supporter, besides Lindsey. The look on his face is scaring me. Karen comes back to me and takes me from my mother. I cry, holding onto her and my mother rubs my back in an attempt to soothe me.
"The baby?" I ask, barely able to get any words out all.
Karen shrugs. "Legally, they can't give me any information"
"TeeDee, what's going on?" My mother asks and I dissolve into tears again.
"Some woman from Lindsey's past is coming back to haunt us." Karen tells her simply.
The twinge I had before comes back and it's more intense now. It kind of takes my breath away and I can't describe the sensations I'm feeling. It hurts but it's more of an extremely powerful pressure than an actual pain. My hips feel like they're being crushed and I'm getting antsy. "Are you alright?" Karen whispers.
"I'm fine" I say, forcing a smile. It's mechanical in a way and I know that she is not convinced.
"Can I talk to you a minute, on the porch?"
"Sure" She tugs me by the hand and we slip out the front door as quietly as possible. Lindsey is still on the phone. I can't look at him anymore. "What did you want to talk about?"
"You're lying to me" she says, straight away.
"About what?"
"Growing pains?"
"No"
"What are you feeling?"
"My hips are killing me. Maybe it's just from standing for so long. She's so low I told Lindsey she might fall out"
"I think you should talk to your mother"
"Why?"
"Stevie, you know why. Let me get her" I nod and she goes back inside. Another twinge and I breathe through it. That one definitely hurt. Pain mixed with pressure and it's awful. Thankfully, my mother comes out quickly. She invites me to sit down but I cannot sit still. "Talk to your daughter, please" Karen tells my mother, poking her head out of the door. She shuts it again and it's just mama and I.
"Oh, honey" she says after a couple of minutes.
"What?" I ask.
"You're in labor, baby girl"
"I am not" I say. "That's silly. I have like, 3 more weeks"
"Babies never, ever care about times and dates"
"Well, I'm not ready"
"You will be. Just breathe, take it one step at a time."
"I'm in pain, mama" I say, crying.
"I know, baby. But in a little bit it will all be over and you will have a beautiful, healthy baby girl in your arms."
"I can't do this. I'm so scared."
"I was scared too. Both times. But you are so strong and you are so loved and we can take care of everything for you if you want to go to the hospital. At least get checked out."
"Okay" I say, coming around to the idea. They feel exactly how the midwives told me they would. Pressure and pain but also completely unexplainable. I would give anything to see their faces right now. They calmed me so much. I pray for a magical, beautiful birth. I pray for strength and for the ability to birth her on my own. I call on all of the angels to watch over us and protect us as I sway with my mother on the porch of my LA home. Lindsey is finally off the phone and I fall into his arms.
"Grab the bags, Lindsey. It's time" My mother tells him and she kisses his cheek. "You're going to be an amazing dad" He has tears in his eyes and pulls me into him. He leaves me with my mother while he loads up car and gathers our things. I go into the bathroom downstairs to change when he brings me a simple outfit but the intensity is getting to be too much. I clip up my hair that took so long to complete. I'm sweating and cursing under my breath as I sway in front of the sink, removing the makeup I so carefully put on just hours before. What a waste, I think. Even in my plain black leggings and long black top trimmed in lace, I feel beautiful and radiant with a little help from Lindsey. He tells me he is in awe of my power and I feel so divinely feminine right now. He gathers up some of my crystals and he hands me the perfect ones to guide me in this journey. Everything is aligning in the universe and now my birthday is turning into my birthing day, how fitting. I talk to her on our way to the hospital. Lindsey isn't speaking much but I think he is nervous. I tell her to do her special dance, to find her own way in this world. She is my sun, she is my moon and she is my beautiful star.
"I cannot wait to meet you" I whisper, rubbing my belly.
