"Fuck!" I hear Lindsey yell as we come down the stairs. He throws the cordless phone across the room and it shatters into hundreds of pieces and it makes me jump at impact.
"What happened?" Karen asks. "Was someone on the phone?"
"I called to see if they had gotten the results. Apparently she is trying to seal them so I can't get to them" he says. "Goddammit!" His hands are rested on the top of his head and he's pacing like a caged animal.
"There is only one reason why she would do a thing like that" Karen tells him.
"She's lying" I say, finally speaking after listening to things unfold. "She's a star fire!"
"A what?" Lindsey asks, laughing.
"She means a star fucker" Karen corrects.
"Yeah, that" I confirm.
"You're adorable, Stevie" Karen looks at me and strokes my face sweetly. I manage a small smile.
"Can we fight this?" I ask.
"We can definitely try" Karen says. "I will call your attorney in the morning and we can get this sorted out."
"It just doesn't seem legal! How can someone claim you're the father yet not let you know either way if they want money or notoriety or whatever star fires do?"
"Star fucker, Stevie."
"Stop saying that, its vulgar." I say, twisting my face in disgust.
"Fine, 'star fire', it is" Karen says, rolling her eyes.
"I am going to take her down if she is lying about this. She is trying to destroy my marriage, my family. All for a little blurb in some gossip magazine. That's so cheap! Just like a, a, a bagel!"
"She's delirious" Karen says to Lindsey, laughing. "She must be exhausted" Lindsey replies.
"Stop talking about me like I'm not here. I don't like that"
"I'm sorry" Lindsey says, actually speaking to me this time.
"Any more growing pains?" Karen asks me, but I can't take my eyes off Lindsey. He's so beautiful even though I'm really hurt still.
"No."
"How's Aria? Is she moving well?"
"Too well" I say and she chuckles.
"You let it slip, didn't you?" Lindsey asked, smirking.
"Sorry. She was being a wild woman in there and it just came out. I know we were just trying it out but it feels so right"
"It's okay, angel. I'm glad you like it."
"Aria Christine Buckingham" I say, looking up at him.
"Awwww" Karen coos. "Hearing it all together, it really is so perfect" We keep staring at each other and she takes that as her cue to leave. "I'm going to finish up some work then go to bed. See you two tomorrow"
"See you" I say. "And thank you for everything"
"No problem"
I lean into Lindsey, needing the comfort only he can give me. I'm at a loss right now and even though he's the one who breaks my heart over and over again, I can see he is hurting too. "What are we going to do, baby?" I cry into his shirt and he wraps his arms around me.
"I will do absolutely anything you want me to do. You make the rules. I can't lose you again."
We stand here like this, swaying soothingly for what feels like forever, but in reality I have no idea how long it's been. I yawn and he takes me upstairs. He starts grabbing some things from the bathroom and the closet then leaves the room. After a while he doesn't come back and I go to Karen's door. I knock lightly and she lets me in.
"You weren't asleep, were you?"
"No, but will be soon. I'm almost done"
"Sorry, I won't bother you"
"No, no. Come here. What's up?"
"Lindsey came upstairs with me but he took a bunch of stuff and left. Have you seen him?"
"Have you checked the guest rooms?"
"Why would he be in there?"
"You just found out he practically cheated on you and probably got another woman pregnant. That doesn't exactly scream 'come sleep with me', Stevie"
"I want him. We need each other right now"
"Go look for him."
"Alright. Good night."
"Good night, Stevie" She gets up from her desk and hugs me. "I know I don't tell you enough but I love you. That's why I'm here. I wish I could take away all your pain and make everything better but I really do try."
"You are so amazing to me. I love you too. Sleep well"
"If you need anything else, wake me up."
I nod and close her door. I check a couple rooms, peaking in a little bit until I come to a third door that's locked. I knock on it, curious why it's locked as I don't have a key.
"Steph, what are you doing?" Lindsey asks, peaking his head out of another door.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"What do you mean?"
"Why did you take all that stuff?"
"So I could get ready in the morning" he says like that's the obvious answer.
"Why couldn't you just leave it where it was?"
"Because I doubted you wanted to see me"
"But you held me not even an hour ago"
"You needed comfort and I was the only one around" he said sadly.
"You're wrong. I needed your comfort." His expression changes and his eyes go from a deep hazy grey to a much bluer hue. So beautiful. "I love you with my whole heart. Yes, this entire situation is ugly and I hate it more than I've ever hated anything in my life but we are a team, Linds. I'm hurt, my god am I hurt but I can't go through this without you."
"I regret so much of what has happened to us" he says, sadly.
"We can't think like that. We will play with the cards we are dealt. Will you come to bed with me?"
"Are you sure?" He asks and I nod. "Alright, give me a second" He grabs all the stuff he took and tosses it in the ensuite's sink and it makes me laugh. We settle into bed, pulling the covers up to our chins. It's so cozy and I feel so comfortable for the first time all day.
"Linds?"
"Yes angel?"
"Why is that door locked?"
"Huh?"
"There's a door and it's locked"
"It's a top secret project"
"Uh oh! I don't think I like the sound of that"
"You will" He says confidently. "Maybe I will show you one day soon. How does that sound?"
"Yes, please!"
"Alright, now get some sleep"
"Now I'm too excited to sleep"
"Then why did you ask?"
"I was curious"
"You're adorable" He kisses my hair. He holds me tight, his hand on my belly. "Good night, my beautiful girls"
"Good night, my love"
------
Another month passes and we are fighting with Kris(ten) to get the results we deserve. She still wants something, anything from him. We have gone back to LA, deciding to have our baby down here, especially because of all that's going on right now. I can't risk one of us being miles and miles from home when she decides to make her grand debut. At first, I mourned my dream of a homebirth, my beautiful mother and my handsome father being right down the road in a house built especially for them, under the watchful eye of my husband. Lindsey apologized more times than I can count, about everything- every single thing. I haven't forgiven his infidelity but at the same time, we were kind of, sort of broken up. So I can understand how something like this could have happened. I just wish it hadn't. Some days I blame myself. Had I been open and honest with everyone about our relationship, he wouldn't have felt like taking a break to begin with. He would have never found someone else, he would have never fathered a child with her. Sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I'm sad. It just depends on the day. Sometimes, I can even push it from my mind and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.
Our dear sweet Aria is going to be quite the big girl. She is on the higher end for estimated weight and it kind of scares me. How will I deliver this little one on my own? I am terrified of a c-section, the thought of being cut open, but I'll do it if it's an emergency. She matters the most in all of this. Our due date is less than 3 weeks away and I'm praying she stays put. I can't fight with Kristen through lawyers and have a brand new baby in tow. Lindsey is being very supportive, as he should be, but he listens and never gets upset over my drastically changing moods. I have yelled at him, cried with him, tried to physically attack him when we got not so great news about our fight for answers. Karen also tries to keep me reigned in. Mom and Dad are coming to stay with us this week so they can be here for her birth. Everyday, I feel closer to meeting her. She gets heavier and heavier and sometimes I think she might just fall right out. She's so incredibly low in my pelvis and my hips are killing me constantly. I complain, especially with how I feel lately, but I truly could not have asked for a better pregnancy. Very little morning sickness, no real aches or pains other than stiffness, and some growing pains that were pretty rare. I'm so lucky to have been able to carry her and I hate to see it end but my greatest joy will be to meet her after waiting for so long.
