𝓗𝓮𝓻𝓸

Project Insight

It had been about five months since the events that took place in London, Tony flew you and Steve back to DC that night so the two of you could at least relax for the rest of your time off. Every night since then you've had dreams and nightmares, not only about Loki, but also about Bucky. Steve knew about the nightmares about your father and helped you through them every time they came, but he didn't know you were having any about Bucky, he still had no idea you ever knew him. You couldn't figure out why he had shown up in your dreams again, but you feared you were about to find out.

Anytime you would wake up screaming or start tossing and turning in your sleep, Steve was there. Unfortunately your powers began to take over during many of these nightmares, and Steve would end up getting hurt in the process. You began to see yourself as a monster again, no matter how many times Steve told you that wasn't the case, you couldn't shake the feeling away. Sometimes it would get so bad that you would end up sleeping in the guest room to avoid causing Steve any pain whatsoever. He was reluctant, be he knew that if it would ease your mind even the slightest bit, then he needed to be okay with it. You were beginning to feel distant from him without meaning to.

You and Steve were still working together at Shield, but you weren't on missions together anymore. Fury felt that it would be in your best interest if you were working inside Shield for awhile since your mind was always elsewhere, he also knew that they needed a stronger force to protect Shield from the inside as well, and you waisted no time agreeing considering you felt the same way. You felt that your mind and powers were out of control and at a tipping point, you didn't want the be the cause of anymore distraction. You weren't even sure if you wanted to use your power ever again, so many of the outcomes from your power had become devastating, you weren't sure how much you could take.

"Natasha, you and Steve have another mission today." You told her as you saw her walking toward you through the halls.

"What are we up against?" She asked you curiously as she looked over your notes on your tablet and gave you a smirk.

"Nothing the two of you can't handle, rescuing some Shield hostages on the lumarian star. Although Fury has a special task for you, I'm sure your used to that though." You told her with a small smirk, over the years you and Natasha had grown pretty close as well. The two of you knew everything about each other, even some of the things both of you hid from Steve, almost everything that is.

"You know y/n, these missions would go by a lot faster if you came back to the field." Natasha told you, hoping she could somehow persuade you to come on this one.

"I can't keep my mind focused on anything long enough Nat, until I can balance all of it out, staying here is the best option, for everyone." You told her sounding slightly upset, you really did miss being in action, but your mind was scattered and that didn't help you control your powers in the least bit, it was dangerous.

"You know me and Steve would always have your back if a mission ever went wrong." She tried to reason with you.

"But if I lose control, there's no guarantee that I'd be able to do the same for you two. Until I can guarantee that, I need to stay here." You told her. She knew you were right, but she wanted her teammate back on the field with her. Aside from you and Steve, you and Natasha were the best when it came to finishing a mission. It was always a quick 'get in, get out' mission with the two of you. "I'll come back once I can fix my mind Nat, I promise, but until then it's safer for me to be here." You explained again.

Natasha gave you a small forced smile, she knew you were going to come back, but no one, not even you, knew when that would really be. "You know, he misses you working on these missions with him too." She told you.