BENJI. (a guide to being normal)

Best Regards, Benji Dore

Kris visited me more times than two. After I was released from the hospital and returned to my flat, she visited me then. We talked about a lot of things, including more things than zombies. We discussed family life, our dreams and aspirations—apparently she was seriously considering becoming an astronaut before deciding to go into business management. We even went on friendly strolls through the park and various shops, going dutch whenever we’d become peckish. I think, somewhere in our conscious, we knew that coming off as a couple would cheapen the budding friendship, but we never really identified what we were doing. Though, I never mentioned what happened between Shannon and me and she never mentioned her boyfriend.

She did have to leave earlier than anticipated to visit “a friend.” That would always dampen my evening, as I was left to wonder if she really had a good time with me, or if she was just passing time. But whenever she would visit me next, my fears would melt away and new memories were enjoyed between us. Kris was so playful, humourous, and knew what to say. She had this impeccable timing like a comic genius knowing when to strike with a joke. Her beauty and personality blended into one, no longer separating them for me. I began loving both equally.

What always put me on edge was when she allowed me to move a strand of hair from her face, or when I would good-naturedly tackle her from behind and briefly pin her to the floor, where we would laugh until our ribs ached. It felt like she was letting me be as close as friend with some exceptions related to a relationship. I wasn’t sure where her border started and where it ended. Perhaps her definition of friendship and boyfriend were similar, but mentally she knew the difference. But thinking about it now, I did wonder sometime back if it was possible for a girl and boy to have a very close relationship without being romantic, perhaps I’ve found that in Kris.

Tomorrow afternoon, during Christmas week (sorry about the late seasonal update, this whole story has taken place over fall and winter) I will be going to her house for an early Christmas celebration that she had invited me to. She said she just wanted it with me before she went on holiday with her family on Christmas Eve eve. I, of course, did not disagree. I did, however, had to have Copper talk me through what I should wear and suggest present ideas.  His ideas were similar to what he would purchase Fiona, which were not at all what I could imagine Kris with. Even though jewelry, perfume, chocolates, and stuff like that were all noble gestures, I just felt like Kris deserved more.

I feel somewhat ready to go to her house—I don’t see any reason to turn back. But I just feel that tomorrow afternoon should be the time I tell her about Shannon and maybe, just maybe, how I feel towards her. I just keep reminding myself of the theme song sung by Bill Conti in the Australian children’s film, Napoleon. In the chorus, the little puppy sings, “If I don’t dream, if I don’t try, how will I know how far I’ll fly?”

Best regards,

Benji Dore