BENJI. (a guide to being normal)

A Snog and a Lager

Copper and Benji were best friends since high school. They were like Holmes and Watson, Donkey and Shrek, Tonto and Lone Ranger, Frodo and Sam, basically, they were the shadows of every iconic hero and sidekick. Though, they were both sidekick material. Benji was the leader of the two-man group, only because he was good at cleaning the flat and looking through the paper for job opportunities. He didn't like the job he was doing, which was driving around London collecting people's rubbish. Copper at least had a more social career, which was sorting at the mail room. Both were an exercise in boredom, making them all the more excited to meet afterwards at the flat and go to their favourite pub, White Horse. They didn't spend much on large TVs, cars, or clothes, so they had plenty of money to spend on a somewhat luxurious evening out.

"You got two quid, mate?" Copper asked, his eyes fixed on the movie store across the street.

"Why?" Benji inquired, nipping at a hangnail he had gotten earlier from catching the top of his finger on a cardboard flap.

"I want to buy a movie."

Benji's lips pulled up in disbelief and his steel blue eyes, the right one stained with a dot of rust, became two slivers. "For two quid? I've only got a fiver, and that's barely going to buy two lagers. Maybe, I don't know. I should know."

"It's for Fiona. She loves movies, and I want to buy her a lot."

Benji grabbed Copper by the shoulders and turned him so that they were looking at one another straight on. "No, not for two quid. You're not going to get her a lot anyway, they're bloody expensive."

"I know, I know, but, please?" Copper pleaded, trying hard to look pathetic.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you're daft," Benji spat out, knowing it had no logical connection to his friend's request.

"I'm not daft, you're daft."

"I'm not, you're the one who wants to spend my money for your girlfriend. What happened to the hundred quid I gave you last week?"

"I spent it!" Copper yelped.

"On what?" Benji shouted, trying not to get irritated, which he so often found himself whenever he had a discussion with Copper. He glanced at his hangnail and found he was progressing more to a bloody finger than a clean tear. He shook his hand violently to rid of the stinging pain.

"I bought you those new shoes, remember?"

Benji looked down and swiveled both his feet. "Oh, yeah, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"But you're still not getting it."

"Getting what?"

"The two quid."

"Oh, yeah. Can I have five-p then?"

"No! You're not getting anything!" Benji said through a chuckle. He placed his hands on his hips in a parental manner.

"Why not again?"

"Because Fiona has a massive collection already and she doesn't need more, at least with my money. Come on, this is our night in the town." Benji slipped an arm around Copper's sunken shoulders and tugged him into a walk. For the first few steps, Copper refused to join, but then when he saw that Benji would not remove his arm, he reluctantly followed. Benji's eyes half-mast and he pushed his jaw forward in anger. He turned to his pouting friend and sighed loudly. "Stop being an idiot, and cheer up!"

"I'm not an idiot."

"I said stop being an idiot. I didn't say you were." Benji waggled his head and blew his lips out in exhaustion of the conversation. He held up two fingers and said in a softer voice, "'Being an idiot' and 'you are an idiot' are two different categories." Copper didn't reply, but looked at the pavement with growing sorrow. "Hey, look! It's Angelina Jolie!"