BENJI. (a guide to being normal)

Benji Meets Kris

That morning, ten past nine o’clock, the doorbell came alive in a dinging revel. Benji leapt up from in front of the computer and headed for the door. But before he could get three paces away from his chair, his head, like a runaway kite, jerked backwards. He flopped over the wheelie chair, his mouth pursed in anger at the realisation that he still was wearing his headpiece. Ripping it off in dramatic rage, he tossed it on the keyboard and ran to the front door. His sock-covered feet caught the hardwood floor and sent him skidding across the hallway and into the wall in front of him. He pushed himself from the wall, just to find his feet flying up out from underneath him. His arms propelled frantically behind him, trying desperately to avoid the pain that was soon to meet his bum. But gravity was never a fan of any falling object. Benji’s hipbones found the floor and a pained gasp burst from his lungs.

“Bless my socks! That hurt!” the martyr rolled up onto his side, whimpering at the bruising pain. He wanted so badly to remain on the cold hardwood floor, but the bell rang again and he was up onto his feet. Walking like a pair of uneven stilts, he tottered over to the door and opened it. “Copper—,”

“Is Benji Dore here?” sung an angelic voice. It flew inside the house like fairy dust. The cadence of her voice floated around Benji’s small ears and entered inside his mind like a sparkling river. The coolness in her tone made his heart shake and his knees clamp together.  “Are you Benji Dore?” the woman asked, her hazel eyes peeking behind the brown mane that fell so gently in front of her sculpted face.

“I am, indeed, who are you?” Benji asked, smiling through a drunken smile.

“I’m Kris Madison. I received your email, and I was in the area. I had left you several messages, but I’m guessing—,” she made a small smile. “Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry, I was playing Minecraft, I must’ve not checked my mail, I’m so sorry. I hope you didn’t have to wait long or anythin’.”

“No, I just have an hour to kill before I head back home but I wanted to—are you sure you’re okay?” Kris bent down from the waist so that she could look up into Benji’s glassy face. “Sir?”

“The picture on the computer is really bad.”

“Oh, I’m sorry? That’s an old photo—,”

“No, no, I don’t mean it as an insult. You look great in the photo, but in person, you’re,” Benji caught himself and cleared his throat loudly. He tugged at his collar and stepped away from the door to let her in. However, he stepped too far back and his fingers slipped off the doorframe, releasing the door in Kris’s face. His hands flew to his mouth and he stared wide-eye as he saw her handbag fly into the air and her baby-blue heels kick up in the air. “Oh dear!” Benji threw the door open and gulped in embarrassment as Ms. Madison sat on the front patio with coffee spilled all over the front of her yellow dress. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were holding coffee.”

Kris arched an eyebrow as she looked over her sunglasses, which had slipped from the top of her head to the bridge of her nose. “It’s all right. You mind helping me up?”

“Oh, of course!” Benji skipped outside and helped her to her feet. “Um, you can wash up inside, I’ve got a sink and a bath, and towels. I don’t have any fresh dresses, but, you can wear something until your dress dries, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all right, accidents happen.” Kris picked up her heels and straightened her hiked up dress. She looked down and her face dropped. “Ooh, that was favourite mug. Collector’s edition, too.”

Kneeling down, Benji collected the shattered pieces and cradled them in his hands. “I’m so sorry, Ms. Madison. Maybe I can replace it?”

“It’s a Dawn of the Dead mug, signed by the director. Don’t think you can replace it.”

“It’s a what?” Benji’s eyes widened to the size of melons.

Kris giggled. “Don’t worry about it. Where’s the bathroom again?”

“Oh, right.” Benji jumped to his feet and led her inside. He pointed upstairs. “It’s up the stairs, straight ahead, you’ll see it. Sorry for the mess.”

“It’s okay. Thank you. I’ll be down soon and we can talk.”

“Right, yeah, brilliant.” Benji clapped his tummy in nervousness and smiled awkwardly as she ascended the stairs. He watched as her slender legs disappeared from his sight. He bit his bottom lip to keep from squealing in joy at the beautiful creature he had let in his house. He had to phone Copper. Dashing over to his mobile phone, he quickly dialed Copper’s number and waited impatiently as the line buzzed on the other end. He periodically looked at the stairs, hoping Kris would stay up there long enough for him to express his delight to his friend.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Benji. The girl came.”

“The girl? Oh, the girl! Oh, right, how is she?”

“She’s lovely. But, I think I’m going to freeze up on her. I don’t what to say. Maybe I should make her leave.”

“Where is she?”

“In the bathroom, getting cleaned up. I spilled coffee all over her. She must hate me now!”

“Listen, she’s going to be your job agent, not your therapist. Don’t worry too much, all right? And don’t forget to mention your book to her. You should try to get that published. Now, I’ve got to go. Good luck!”

“No, don’t hang up! Copper—Cop—don’t do this. You know what I’m capable of. Copp—! Blast you!” Benji jerked the phone from his ears and cursed at it as if it was the cause to his irritation. Before he could continue his verbal rampage, he heard Kris calling for him. It was surprising to hear a woman call his name. The way she called out sounded like a nightingale: soft, sweet, but strong in pronunciation. “Are you calling me?” Benji replied before squeezing his eyes shut in frustration at such a stupid response.

“Yes, I was just wondering if you—if you had a shirt I could borrow?”

“Oh, yes, of course!” Benji bolted up the stairs, tripping twice, and raced into his room. Blindly, he reached into his closet and grabbed an over-size t-shirt. Jumping over his miniature figurines and LEGO set-ups, he rushed to the bathroom and knocked on the door. “Here you go, miss, I’m sorry about that.”

The door opened slightly and Kris peeked out and grabbed the t-shirt. She smiled shyly, mouthed a word of thanks, and then shut the door. Benji let out a huge sigh and calmly made his way back downstairs. He tried to put his mind on something else besides the girl upstairs, but it was impossible. He hadn’t been around a woman for such a long time, especially one as beautiful as Kris Madison. “I know,” Benji said to himself, “I shall put the kettle on!”