Cry Me A F*cking River, B!tch (Embry Call Imprint) {Editing}

Times We Had...

We intertwined our hands and walked back to see that outside all the elders, imprints and pack members were there looking at me with pitty. I hate pitty.

I walked right passed them and up to my room with Embry following closely behind. I sat on my bed with Embry, leaning on his muscular chest. We didn't speak, we didn't need to. I was playing around with his fingers when I saw my guitar. Collecting dust in the corner.

My mother gave it to me before she died. I was pretty decent at playing guitar, but gave up on it when she passed away. Raquel and Serena always wanted to hear me play, but I always just told them I sucked, so they let it go. I would have walked to my guitar and picked it up but, it would bring to many memories. My mind was already filled with a lot of sad shit. I didn't need to add more to my list. Some day I'll play again.

Embry gave a quick kiss and went downstairs, sencing the fact that I needed some alone time. You could tell everybody moved to the living room.

I went to my boombox and turned it on. At first I kind of just stood there and thought. About what? I'm not sure, but it felt nice to have nothing in particular haunting my every thought. These type of moments are new but, luxurious now.

I put on the song Song For Viola by Peter Bradely Adams. This was a pretty depressing song but, it kind of fits my mood. Now I'm sounding emo. (No offense to any of you out there! EMO'S ARE THE SHIT!)

I let myself go. I let everything out on the floor. At the same time, I couldn't. I just didn't seem right. I couldn't show what I felt because there were no words or emotions that could describe the pain, show and loneliness I'm feeling. Not even dance and music can describe what I'm feeling. It just doesn't work.

I stop dancing after only a couple seconds. I can't, I just can't. I sat down on my bed while my mind took me on a trip. Moments that I had with Raquel and Serena flashed into my mind.

Our birthday's, going to the beach, ditching school together, finding that lost dog together and finding it a good home. Helping each other out, covering our bruises and cuts, stupid jokes Serena made. The fun random photoshoots we did together were Raquel dresses us with a blind fold on. Eating Raquel's sucky pancakes, singing and dancing together...

I let my eyes slowly close tried to fall asleep. When I say try that's because for about 30 minutes I kind of just layed there and tried to empty out my mind enough to have a peaceful sleep. But of course my mind was being a bitch right now so it wouldn't shut the fuck up. Eventually l fell asleep with those good memories I shared with the people I loved flooding my mind.

That's when I noticed something. Everybody l love is dieing. First my mom, then there was my pet dog, Albert. Yes, I had a dog but, Evan killed him because he protected me in between a beating. Then Raquel and Serena. I felt so alone.

l know that everyone downstairs is friends and family but, it's not the same. They left me at some point, maybe they came back but, it's still different. Serena, Raquel, Mom and Albert were always there for me. Wether it was good for them or not. I always had some one to talk to who understood what I was going through. Not anymore, know they're up there with sweet Jesus.

l felt like l couldn't even talk to Embry. Let alone Paul or Quil or any of the guys. Maybe Leah but.... SHUT UP YOU STUPID BRAIN! I WANT TO SLEEP! YOU DUMB FUCKER!.....Yes I scream at my mind to shut-up. Doesn't everyone? I just need some rest. Even if it's just for a couple minutes.

With that in mind I let the darkness take me in. Unfortunetly the thoughts doen't go away with my conciencness.

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OMG! Did you guys expect them to die? What do you think will happen to Alex? Will she become depressed? Angry at the world? Suicidal? Tell me what you think! By the way, I know this is kind of short but, it's more of a filler of Alex's emotions. I want you guys to understand what she's feeling and what's going on in that wierd mind of hers.

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