Troubles Of My Life ✔️

News

It seems just like yesterday
That you were begging me to stay
I thought I knew what I wanted
Should have known it was you

Life's been pretty good these days
I've learned to live with your mistakes
I always knew what I wanted
All I wanted was you

It's good to hear your voice
And by the way

I can't get you out of my head
Still sleeping on my side of this bed
And I can't shake this feeling
It won't stop till my heart stops beating

The fall came way too fast this year
And it's way too cold without you here
I wish you knew what you wanted
When you didn't want me

I've been on the road for the past two months
Thinking about you just a little too much
Now I know what I want
And all I want is you

I can't get you out of my head
Still sleeping on my side of this bed
And I could shake this feeling
It won't stop till my heart stops beating

I take back all those things I said
If you mean it then we'll drop it
And we'll look ahead
Let's get back to that old feeling
And don't stop till our hearts stop

Take me over
Hold me, I'm yours
What are we waiting for?
Can we just let go?
Let's let go

Let's not shake this feeling
And don't stop
Don't stop

I can't get you out of my head
Still sleeping on my side of this bed
And I can't shake this feeling
It won't stop till my heart stops beating

I take back all those things I said
If you mean it then we'll drop it
And we'll look ahead
Let's get back to that old feeling
And don't stop till our hearts stop

Monday...

My doctor called me in as she wanted to talk to me about a blood test result. I head their straight after uni and I get called in.
I sit down and she says "I'm sorry I have some bad news to tell you"
I ask "is it about the baby?"
She shakes her head and says "one of your blood tests came back with a problem. It was sent for further testing and you have lukemiea."
I ask "is it serious"
She nods and says "you are in the late stages"
I say "so what does that mean for me?"
She says "well you have two options. One is you do nothing and will live for an estimated seven months and the other option is you have chemotherapy and radiation which will give you a chance of a further six months to live but it would be dangerous for the baby and you would have to have an abortion"
I ask "is the baby affected"
She says "no, your baby is healthy"
I ask "is there any guarantees that the treatment will work?"
She shakes her head and says "I'm sorry no."
I nod and ask "why if I'm in a late stage have I not had any symptoms?"
She says "I don't know, you may have and not noticed or sometimes they are hidden and you may not get any till near the end or even not at all"
I nod and say "thank you, I'm going to have to think about it before I make a decision"
She nods and says "feel free to call me or come in if you need any help or have any questions"
I nod and leave. I get in my car as I drove today and I start to cry and think why is this happening to me and what to I do?
I look at the time and realise that youth will start soon so I have to go. I drive to youth and check my appearance, my eyes are still puffy and my mascara is smudged a little bit so I fix it up before going inside.
Ella is here with some of the girls already, I put my stuff down on the table and Casey walks in. I see that her face is red and puffy as she walks over to us. Ella asks "are you okay Casey?"
She nods and says "I'll tell you after"

We are doing marble painting and some games tonight so while waiting for the rest of the girls to show up we get all the stuff out and ready for the activities.
The times goes by in a blur as I have other things on my mind.
We finish up and all the girls leave and we clean up everything. While we are working Casey says "I lost my baby"
Ella says "I'm sorry"
Casey shrugs and says "I knew there was a high chance of it happening"
I don't know what to say so I stay silent and then Casey asks "Sop had you been crying before coming here"
I nod and say "I had just been at the doctors"
Ella asks "what's wrong?"
I say "I've got cancer, I'm dying"
Casey asks "is there anything you can do?"
I say "I have two options, treatment is one of them and it may give me six months longer"
Ella asks "are you going to do it?"
I say "I don't know I can either do nothing and live till the end year but my baby lives or I can get treatment and maybe live six months longer but my baby dies"
Casey says "I'm sorry"
I shrug and say "there isn't anything I can do"
Ella says "we will be here to support you"
I say "thank you both so much"
Casey says "Sop if you are still going to soccer you will have to go now to me it on time"
I nod and say "we can talk about this later"
She nods and we say bye before leaving and I head to soccer. Only the coach is here yet and he is on the phone, I start walking around the field kicking the ball.
I start thinking about everything, how things seemed to be getting better for myself, the new problem and my future and I start crying again. I realise that I won't make it through the night here so I get up and start walking away. My coach had finished on the phone and asks "what's wrong?"
I shake my head and say "personal problems, I'm going home now and I should be back next week"
He nods and says "I hope things get better"
I nod and say "thanks".
I get back in my car and drive to the nearest beach and get a blanket so I can sit down on the sand and be warm.

The one thought in my head is that treatment may not make a difference. I think about a baby and know that I wouldn't be there for them when they are born but someone else could be. My mind goes back to Casey and think she knew that she might lose the baby and she is great with children, I wonder if she would think about adopting mine if I had it.

Authors note...
I just want to say that anything about the medical side may be wrong, I have researched some but other parts may be incorrect. I don't mean to offend anyone with this story. The idea came to me and I thought it would be good to write something different so I came up with this.