Troubles Of My Life ✔️

Getting Worse

   
I stare into
Some great abyss
And calculate
The things I'd miss
If I could only
Make some sense of this

And Madam Butterfly
Resounds
Over the mother-ship
Her lights flashing around

I float above her and
I wonder how
To make it go away
Make it go away
To make it go away
Make it go away

I crawl into my circumstance
Lay on the table
Begging for another chance
I was a good girl
I can't understand, how to
Make it go away
Make it go away
Make it go away
Make it go away

Sometimes I wonder
Which hurts worse
The thought of dying
Or reliving every hurt
Was love the illness
And disease the cure
Oh, the cure

Make it go away
(Make it go away)
Make it go away
(Make it go away)
Make it go away
(Make it go away)
Make it go away
(Make it go away)
Make it go away
(Make it go away)
Make it go away
(Make it go away)
Make it go away
(Make it go away)
Make it go away

Make it go away.
---------------
August...
I'm just over six months pregnant now. I had to quit my job as I'm so tired each day, it got too much for me. I don't know if it's just hormones or the fact that everything is setting in now but I cry a lot. I thought I was alright with dying but now I don't know, I'm realising what I will miss out on and the things I want to do but never will. I guess it's the way life works, I'm kinda glad that I know when I will die as it means I will be ready for when the time comes.

I read a book for something to do, I finish and look at the time. I realise it's lunch so I make myself a sandwich and get a drink of water. I finish and tidy up before I start working on a puzzle, what I like about this one is that it's not what on the box but what they are seeing to make it harder.
I separate the edge pieces from all the other pieces so I have two separate piles.
I feel sick like I'm going to throw up so I quickly go to the toilet. I start throwing up and each time I think I'm going to stop I start up again. I stop for a few minutes before I cough and throw up again but this time I notice that I'm bringing up blood. I hear a voice call out and after a few minutes there is a knock on the door. I open the door and see Joe standing there, he asks "are you alright?"
I shake my head and go to speak when I cough up blood. He notices and says "let's get you to hospital"
I nod and he gets a bucket before helping me into the car and we start driving to the hospital. He says "I'm glad that I forgot some stuff for work so I came home"
I nod and say "so am I, I wasn't sure what I was going to do"
He asks "had it been going on for long"
I shake my head and say "not really"

We get to hospital and go straight to emergency where Joe tells them what was wrong and I am taken straight in to an exam room and get some tests done. Due to policy Joe wasn't allowed to come with me. We talk about how I had been going while waiting for the results to come in. The doctor gets the tests back and says "I'm sorry to say but the leukaemia is progressing quickly, it is in early stages of metastasising to the lungs which is what caused the throwing up and blood. We finish talking and I get told about what I could expect and to call if there was anything I needed to know.
I go back out to the waiting room and find Joe and Casey. Joe says "I told Casey that we were here and she wanted to come"
I nod and say "thanks for coming"
She smiles at says "it's no problem, what was wrong?"
I say "it's just the cancer progressing and spreading, I'm probably going to get more symptoms now that it's starting to get worse"