Troubles Of My Life ✔️

Future Thoughts

Nothin goes as planned.
Everything will break.
People say goodbye.
In their own special way.
All that you rely on
And all that you can fake
Will leave you in the morning
But find you in the day
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh you run away
Cause I am not what you found
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out.
Everything will change.
Nothin stays the same.
And nobody here's perfect.
Oh but everyone's to blame
All that you rely on
And all that you can save
Will leave you in the morning
And find you in the day
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh you run away
Cause I am not what you found
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out.
No I cannot get you out.
I cannot get you.
Oh no I cannot get you out.
Oh I cannot get you.
Everything is dark.
It's more than you can take.
But you catch a glimpse of sun light.
Shinin, shinin down on your face.
Your face, oh your face.
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh you run away
Cause I am not what you found
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
No I cannot get you out.
No I cannot get you out.
Oh no, I cannot get you
-----------

My phone rings and I look at who is calling and it's my sister. I answer and she asks "when are you coming home?"
I say "I'm at my house"
She says "so the letter you wrote, it was all true"
I laugh and say "at the time I wrote it"
She asks "what does that mean?"
I say "I'm not finishing uni anymore, I'm thinking I will pull out mid year as I have paid for that semester but I haven't paid for the second semester yet so I won't do that one"
She asks "will you at least come home to talk to me or our parents"
I say "I'm sorry but I can't yet, I have some things I want to figure out first"
She says "fine, just stay safe"
I say "I will, bye"
She says "bye" and I hang up the phone.

I sort some things out, I know there is no point in me continuing uni. I'm going to finish off this semester as it finishes in just over a month but I'm not going to go back. I finish all the forms for my choice ready to hand back in.

I have a thought about my baby's future and I want to give a message. I write a letter and it says:
Hello,
I don't know how old you are when you are reading this but I want you to know even though I am not there I always love you.
I got sick when pregnant with you and I knew that the best choice would be to give you a life. Casey and Joe were so happy when I told them that I wanted them to take care of you. I know they will be great parents to you and can give you more than I ever could.
Now this is important, I want you to know that you were always wanted. Even though I didn't get a choice when I found out I was pregnant I was happy. I had always wanted a child of my own. Once I found out about my illness I knew that Casey could give you a life where you were happy.
I am watching over you and proud of what you do. I love you.

I fold it up and put it in the desk for another time.
I grab out my guitar and play a few chords before playing some songs I had learnt and even some I wrote, I sing along as I play and smile as when I play music I can forget the problems I am having.
I finish playing and put the guitar down and I hear a knock on the door and I say "come in"
Joe walks in and says "I never knew you could sing so well"
I smile and say "thanks"
He nods and says "I just wanted to say thank you for what you are doing for Casey and I, I know things will be hard for you and if you ever need help you just have to ask"
I nod and say "I'm happy to do this for you two, I know that this baby will be loved so much and that is all I want"
He says "Casey and I will do everything we can for this baby, we promise"