My Public Diary

Whatever

I made a new friend... I think... but anytime I'm around him, I don't feel like I can be myself... I feel judged and then alone... even in this group of people, I can start crying and leave and no one notices. No one asks. No one cares. I call these people my friends. They say that I matter to them but that's not true. I don't know why I was surprised that not a single person asked where I went or why I was gone for so long. I don't have friends anymore... my "friends" don't support me or love me or even care to talk to me. When I go to school in a good mood, they kill it. They ask why I'm happy and then tell me to stop. I've actually been told to stop being happy... it's... ridiculous... why can't I just be happy without someone telling me to act as depressed as I usually am. Just because they're not used to me being happy doesn't mean they should destroy any happiness I can muster up anymore. I am never happy and now I understand why. I'm not allowed to be happy without it being weird or annoying. I'm supposed to be sad and quiet and isolated. Otherwise, everyone else is uncomfortable. Whatever. I'll just stay like this. Sorry everyone, won't happen again.