Screwed

1

It was a nice summer day when I felt the life leave me. Even though I wasn't actually dying it felt like it. It left like the life was being crushed out my body through any crevasse large enough. easily the most painful thing I've ever had to experience.

It was actually the day my mother died.

It could have been worse. She could have been killed in a car accident or in a shooting, where I didn't know what my last words would be. A situation where I didn't know the last thing she'd say to me. Though it was pretty awful, anyway, the way it did happen. I got to suffer slowly as I watched her slip out of my hands.

She was such a remarkable woman and she could have, and should have, lived so much longer than what she did. She was smart, kind, pretty, and one of the most respected woman in our community. Not because of status, but because of the way she treated everyone. She was an angel in life and the world was too good for her. She was lucky enough to have married the man of her life and only be lightly affected by the divorce when it crashed. She would tell me often tell me, ''You're the greatest thing I've ever gotten and all I could need in life'' and when I was a little older and really understood what she meant, I answered her, ''You're all I could need, too.'' She was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was hard on the both of us, I hated watching her die and I couldn't do anything about it. Even as she was hurting, she held my hand and told me it was something we'd all have to go through one day.

Four years after she was diagnosed, when she died, so did I. She took everything alive and good about me to the grave with her.

The biggest regret I have is not being as perfect for her she was for me. I regret sneaking out and every time she caught me, seeing the disappointment clear on her face. I regret not always being as happy for her as she tried to be for me. Because, despite how she appeared, she wasn't always as cheerful as I thought. It just took me a while to realize it.

I live with my Uncle Jake and my cousin Jasper, which is okay. My uncle tries the best he can to keep up with a happy, active fourteen year old and a moody teen girl as much as he can. I should probably make it easier on him than I do, but It's difficult. Things aren't bad, and they never should have been. But, the few weeks leading up to the end of school, seemed to grow harder for me, in the best and worse possible way.

~~~

Standing in front of my teacher's desk on a Friday is not what I want to be doing. Not that I have much to do anyway. He explained that tutoring a boy in French would count as a daily grade and my brain shut down. I can't help another student. Especially not the student he wants me to. I didn't get along with everyone and this kid didn't get along with anyone. Not exactly a match that was made to last. The other thing is I'm not sure exactly how to approach him in anyway. Or talk to him, for that matter. From what I've heard, Calum Hood isn't exactly an easy person to get on with. I can't exactly be like hey! We need to work together or you're going to fail high school!   I remember from middle school that he used to be a normal guy. A normal, nerdy guy who had a small group of friends, he was happy. Then his family tree ended up much like mine, it broke apart. He went away to live with his dad, two years later, he is back with his mom. The normal guy he was, was replaced with an angry jerk who kept to himself unless you said something he thought was wrong. I'm not exactly sure what happened that made him come back and it wasn't my place to worry or care.

"Are you sure you want me to tutor him?" I ask the teacher as I fiddle with my pencil. I held it tightly between my fingers, as it was the only thing keeping me calm. The thought sent me into a pure panic. 

"Yes, you are top in your class, all your classes, and he was second, but he seems to be falling behind slightly. I'd hate him to fail over a foreign language class. He isn't a bad kid, I can't let this happen to him." He says, appealing to my sympathetic side. 

I'll admit that is surprises me when he says that Calum is second in the whole grade. I didn't think he tried much or applies himself to anything. He just doesn't appear that way. Of course, I've talked to him, but that was only to give him a pencil, or for a group project in another class. I could call us friends, but that would be inaccurate by a long shot.

"And from what I looked at, you both applied to the same college. And both were accepted in advance. Maybe it will have you two get to know each other, you won't be completely lonely there."

"Oh." Is all I can say. I want to groan in exasperation, maybe slam my head onto his desk until I die, but I don't, I simply nod my head and leave before he says something else. So what if we applied to the same college? People do that all the time and it's no reason to throw them together. Kids have big hopes when they apply to colleges, sometimes kids from the same places pick the same schools. Not a big deal.

I keep my eyes down and walk through the hallway, not really paying attention. The only thing on my mind is my situation and my annoyance that was building in me. I knock into someone, and just as their arms grab mine to keep us from toppling over, I look up and look at two wide blue orbs.

"Careful, Carpenter. Nearly kill us both." Luke Hemming says with a smile laugh and releases me. He smooths out his shirt and I sigh in relief. 

"Sorry Luke, not paying attention." I say and crack a smile. Luke is my next door neighbor and a pretty chill guy. Freakishly tall, dorky, and he is always nice. In a way, he reminds me of my cousin Jasper. Despite the fact we hardly spoke unless it was in situations like this or when we both took out the trash, I felt comfortable enough to let the embarrassment pass over me.

"It's okay, just don't run into anyone else, not everyone is as charming as I am." He says and continues to walk, he turns the corner and I go before I get out a word. I just nod to myself and scream internally. I bring my head up and nearly run into yet another person. This person is not so graceful but then again, neither am I.

"I thought he told you not to bump into anyone else?" I look up into the dark eyes of the boy who spoke and freeze. His voice rang with annoyance and I sigh softly. If it wasn't the ass I was needing to speak to.