If Zaspar Was Real

19: A New Path

[ Zoe's POV ]

Louise has offered to drive us back home for the rest of the journey. For the whole drive, I was looking out the window thinking about him - he was the only thing that was on my mind now. The way he said sorry, the way he stared into my eyes as he spoke, the way his voice trembled. I just can't. It feels wrong to be dating Caspar. It feels wrong because...I still love Alfie.

☁︎

As Louise parks her car at the front porch, I spot an unfamiliar car in front of Louise's house.

"Is that yours?" I point to the blue car and she shakes her head. She realises the front door isn't locked, which wasn't how she left it.

"Put 911 on speed dial." She gulps and slowly opens the car door.

All of a sudden, a familiar voice shouts.

"How dare you?!" He shouts and my phone drops as I scream in shock.

"Caspar!" Louise shouts back as she picks up my phone for me. "What are the both of you doing here?" She asks, referring to Caspar and Josh - his friend.

"How dare you go back? Without telling me!" He shouts and I begin to shake. I hate when people shout. I hate it so much. It fucking scares me.

"I'm sorry!" I scream. "I knew that if I told you, you wouldn't let me go." I defend myself and Louise steps in front of me.

"And you, Louise!" Caspar points to my best friend. "You were supposed to take care of her. How can you let her go back to her ex's house? He could have hurt her!"

"BUT HE DIDN'T!" I rage. "HE SAID SORRY. I TOLD HIM WHAT I NEEDED TO AND THAT'S IT. Don't you dare blame Louise." I yell and walk past him, up to my room. I slam the door so hard that I hear the doorknob rattle.

I plunge myself into my bed and cried.

"Cry it all out." I hear Mum's voice in my mind. She always said that. TO cry all my feelings out and get rid of the anger inside of me. 

Just a few minutes after, 'sorry' messages flood my phone from him. I hate to say this but this was exactly what happened when Alfie and I fought. Him getting mad then saying sorry like as if it's that easy.

I blast some music so they don't hear me cry. The only thing I want to do now is to go back home. To live like last time. To just be free from all of this.

☁︎

A few hours passed and I haven't noticed that I fell asleep, my music still blasting, my room door still locked. Then I hear a soft knock on my door.

"Zoe?" It's Louise. "They've gone home. You can come out now." I look towards the mirror and see my makeup all over but it's just Louise who's going to see me. I open the door and see her standing, just like how she's been doing for the past few months when I break down. "Are you okay?" She asks.

"I'm okay. Thanks." I reply. She comes in and sits on the bed.

"It feels the same, doesn't it? You and Alfie, then now with Caspar?" She presses her lips together and I nod, hating to admit it. I feel so useless and hopeless in this house. Louise is so busy now because of me. She doesn't have time for Darcy or her YouTube channel because she's constantly calming me when I have a breakdown and preparing food for me. I'm the worst friend anyone could ever have by bringing my own problems to my friend.

I know renting my own place isn't the best idea especially in this state, but I need my own time, my own space. And so does Louise. I know she's going to deny everything but its true. I'm a nuisance here. 

Anyways, I've seen a few apartments quite nearby which are perfect for filming and just the right size for Nala and I. I need some time to myself before I can decide when to pick myself back up again.

☁︎

[ The Next Day ]

I've told Louise my whole idea on renting my own place and as expected, she's not very supportive of it. However, she says it's for the best since I can get back to my own pace and my own life.

"So which block are you planning to rent?" She asks as we sit at the dining table, having some breakfast I have prepared for the first time this week.

"Um, Tropicana Grande," I say, referring to the one which was 7 minutes away from Louise's house. "I've contacted the leasing office and all. They said that if I made payment by tomorrow, I could actually get the place by next week."

"Oh." She sighs, looking disappointed. "You sure you're okay there?"

"I'm fine. Plus, if I ever need you..."

"I'll always be around." She finishes my sentence and I smile.

☁︎

I visited the bank this morning to make my payment for my new apartment. I have never felt this excited in a long time and I've been counting down to the days I get to move in. The apartment is fairly big - two bedrooms and toilets, one office and a living room big enough for Nala to run about. I've also been told I could start moving my things in two days time. 

I can possibly be fully moved in by next week since I don't have that much stuff. I need to get this over and done with. I don't want to be a nuisance to Louise anymore.

"I just remembered. What about Caspar?" Louise reminds me and my shoulders drop. I totally forgot about him. How can I tell him?

"He's not going to let me go, is he?"

"He will, but he's going to check in every few hours." She replies. "Best not to mention to him. I won't too." She smiles and I nod. I will tell Caspar, soon but not now. As selfish as it sounds, this week will be all about me.

I took a few boxes and placed them by the door downstairs which I would bring to the apartment tomorrow. I'll be collecting the keys in two days. 

And finally, Nala and I can have a new start. I don't have anything to say to Caspar now. It feels wrong to love the both of them. I just need to stay away from them.

✄ ✄ ✄

This it turning more into a Zalfie fanfic but PLEASE TRUST ME, IT IS NOT. No more comments about this being a Zalfie fanfic, please. Also, I know some of you might start hating the Zoe in this book because she's basically like Elena Gilbert and can't decide between her Stefan or Damon Salvatore. Zoe is really confused at the moment as to who she loves which is why she wants to move into a new apartment. She thinks it would help her start a new life - will it?

[ by harper gray ]

[ updated on may 15th 2017 ]