If Zaspar Was Real

18: Don't Let Me Go

[ Alfie's POV ]

I've not seen Zoe for weeks now and it's stressing me out. I've been to the doctor several times and he has said that if I don't relax and find my own time, I could fall sick. The house feels empty without Zoe and Nala. I just wish I didn't get jealous over the whole Caspar thing. He's probably having a blast with Zoe as his girlfriend. They're all having a blast, they went to parties. I wasn't even invited to one!

At that moment, there was a knock on the door. It's probably Chai, I invited him over earlier to film some videos. YouTube was one of the things that made me happy, but not that much anymore since every comment on my videos were about her.

I open the door and to my surprise, it's Zoe. My heart stops beating for a moment. She's looking towards the ground and I've noticed her hair is slightly more blonde than the last time I saw her. She's wearing the boots I got for her from Primark last year and a floral romper.

"Zoe." I want to hug her, to feel her back in my arms. But her hands are in her pocket and I don't think she'd even want me to hug her. She slowly looks up and I see her glistening green eyes for the first time in weeks.

"Alfie, I'm here to talk." She speaks and I realise Louise came along as I see her standing at the back, arms folded, eye-ing my every move.

I push the door open slightly and she walks in, not hugging me or anything which I don't expect she would do. It's obvious she's here for not a good reason as she doesn't smile and so does Louise. She just walks past me without saying hello or anything. 

☁︎

She sets her bag down on the chair, just like how guests would do when they came to the house. I prepared 3 glasses of water and set them down on our dining table. Louise sits down on the couch in our living room. 

"H-How are y-you?" My voice trembles as I ask her.

[ Zoe's POV ]

"Fine. Thank you." I reply. I notice he's nervous as he stutters when he speaks.

"Z-Zoe." He looks up. "I'm s-sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've done." A tear trickles down his cheek and for a moment, I worry and my heart starts beating a million times faster. It's so easy for me to give in. I look down to the floor and attempt to put on my serious face again. 

"I just need to tell you things," I speak, avoiding eye contact. "I don't want to be immature and act like as if nothing is happening when we both know that everything we can ever imagine is happening. We can't blame anything or anyone."

"Caspar." He mutters under his breath, loud enough for me to hear.

"Caspar has nothing to do with this!" I shout and Louise looks, mouthing for me to calm down. Alfie doesn't budge or talk back like how I expected. "I'm dating Caspar now, there's nothing you can do to change it. I also know that you and G-"

"It was just an act." He interrupts. "Gabi and I. It was fake. I just wanted to make you jealous. I guess it didn't work. I'm sorry." He apologises again. No, Alfie. It did. It did work. I did get jealous, I say in my heart. 

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry that things escalated so fast for us. All these wouldn't happen if both of us weren't so hot-tempered on that day. But it happened, and the best for us to do is forget about it. Forget about everything." 

"Everything?" He looks up and I finally make eye contact with him. His eyes are red and teary. I start to get emotional too as I notice I'm crying when a tear drops on my sleeve.

"Let's act m-mature about this." I breathe in. "If they ask us, we'll say things weren't working out. If we meet outside, we'll smile to each other but it won't mean anything. If they spread rumours, we'll wish each other success and that's it. We're nothing now, Alf." It hurts to think this is the last time I can call him Alf. 

☁︎

[ 30 minutes later ]

We've finally wrapped up our conversation. I catch Louise mouthing for me to hurry or I could just start falling back in love with Alfie again but I think it's already happening. It breaks my heart to end all of this officially.

Louise walks out of the house by saying a simple "Goodbye" to Alfie. I don't know if I can do the same because I'm stepping out of what used to be my house, not knowing when or if I'll ever come back.

"Zoe, wait." He pulls my arm and I turn back. For a second, I just wanted him to pull me back in, to not let me go. Part of me doesn't want to leave. "You still love me, do you?" My heart breaks but I don't speak. Instead, I smile and nod slightly. Maybe not as much as before, but a little. It's still inside of me. I still love him.

"Zoe, wait." He pulls my arm and I turn back. For a second, I just want him to pull me back in. To not let me go. Part of me doesn't want to leave. "You still love me, do you?" My heart breaks but I don't speak. I smile and nod slightly. I do. Maybe not as much as before, but a little. It's still inside of me. I still love him.

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Okay, before any of you comment. This is not a Zalfie fanfic so they won't be endgame in this story. Trust me.

[ by harper gray ]

[ updated : april 24th 2017 ]