Fix me

Chapter 49

Chapter 49

We both walked out of the room. I didn't know what to feel. I just wanted to ram my fists into something.

Alex walked ahead of me. I know I should catch up with her, I wanted to, but at the same time I don't.

When we entered Dr. Smith's office I already knew. Oh, who am I kidding? I already knew even before her chemo ended.

Her cancer is not gone. She isn't in remission. She is still sick. And what's worse... she gave up.

-*-*-*-

"Can I change your mind?" I said in a half whisper as I drove.

"No."

I blinked my eyes. I don't know if it's a wince or a move to refrain me from letting out a tear.

Once we reached her house I helped her to her room. Her hair is gone now but she's wearing a wig that's similar with her old hair. She laid down with her wig still on.

"Alex, you can remove it."

She just simply shook her head.

I have never seen her without her wig on. When I tell her it's okay to remove it she simply shakes her head.

"I'll be back later," I muttered.

"I would understand if you don't come back."

"I will be back."

-*-*-*-

I sat staring at the waves crashing down the shore. I remember the day I hung out with Alex. She was laughing as she splashed water at me. Her eyes twinkled in happiness and a wide grin was plastered on her face as she laughed. Her laugh was like music to my ears. And now, all I can hear is pain and cries.

I stood up and started walking towards Alex's house. Once I was inside I can hear her vomiting. I quickly rushed towards her room and entered. The sight that greeted me broke my heart. The girl I love was throwing up on her sheets. I made my way towards her and patted her back. She swatted my hands away but failed as she continued to throw up.

"Alex, let me help."

And she did.

When she was done tears were coming out of her eyes. I wiped them away with my thumbs.

"Shh. It's okay," I cooed. "It'll be okay soon."

"It's so painful."

"What hurts?" I asked quickly.

"My life."

She just continued to break down. I pulled her into an embrace and held her as she cried.

Once her cries and sobs died down I figured that she was asleep. I pulled slightly away but her hand gripped my shirt keeping me in place. I kissed her forehead.

"I'll just bring you in the guest room," I whispered.

"No. I'm okay here."

"Alex, you threw up on your bed. I'll clean this first then I'll let you sleep here. But first sleep in the guest room."

She lifted her head and looked around. "I don't want to be alone."

"You won't be alone. I'm just a room away."

"No. I'm afraid to be alone. I need to be in one room with you," she said while shaking her head. "Let me rest on my couch."

I looked at the blue couch pressed by the huge window.

"You'll sleep there?" I questioned.

She nodded her head in response. She started to get up from the bed but I scooped her up and placed her down the couch. I saw her shiver once I placed her on the couch. I grabbed an extra clean blanket and wrapped her around it.

"Zach," she said with her cheeks tainted red. "I'm so ashamed."

That's when she started crying.

I kneeled down so I was in the same level with her.

"Princess, you don't have to be ashamed."

"No. This is the last straw. I can't take this anymore. I just want this pain to end."

I bit my lip. I don't know how I can help her. So instead I just pulled her into a hug. She just cried. And as she cried I just felt myself shatter.

After awhile she stopped crying but I was still holding her in my arms. I didn't want to let go but I have to. I need to clean her bed. Once I was sure that she was asleep, I laid her down gently and got up.

I removed all her covers and placed it in the laundry. Once I got back in her room I placed blue sheets on her bed and placed her white duvet. I carried Alex, careful not to wake her and placed her on the bed making sure that she's warm enough. I pulled away but her hands were fisted between my shirt the way she held on me awhile ago.

"Please stay with me, Zach," she murmured.

I laid down beside her, pulling her close towards me. Her head rested on my arm. I places a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, Alex," I said before drifting into sleep.

-*-*-*-

I woke up feeling Alex shifting uncomfortably beside me.

"What's wrong?" I asked half awake.

"Nothing," she answered in the same state I am in.

I saw he shift her head form side to side, irritatedly. She was uncomfortable with her wig on. I sat up making Alex look at me in confusion. I reached towards her wig and started to pull it off.

"No, Zach," she plead.

"It's okay."

She let me remove her wig. I placed it on the table beside her bed and took a look at her. Her cheeks were read but her face was pale. Tears were brimming her eyes but I kissed her forehead.

"Beautiful," I whispered.

"Don't. Give it back."

"You are beautiful," I said, putting emphasis to every word.

"I look ugly."

"Stop. Listen to me, you are beautiful. A hair doesn't measure a girl's beauty. You're my Aphrodite with or without it."

She smiled sadly at me. What she did next surprised me, she hugged me. Her arms were wrapped around me with her head resting on my shoulder.

"Thank you, Zach. For everything."

"Anything for my princess."

-*-*-*-

I stared at her beautiful face as she slept. When we woke up I couldn't go back to sleep. It's true she's beautiful. I just wanted to kiss her and make her feel like the only girl in this world.

I brought my hand to her cheek and stroked it up and down. Her eyes fluttered open making me feel guilty for waking her up.

"Do you want to eat?" I asked as if by impulse.

"No."

"You have to eat."

"Later," she bargained. "I promise."

I nodded my head and kissed her forehead before standing up.

"No," she said.

I stopped and looked at her.

"Stay with me."

I smiled and laid back down.

We stared at each other for a long time before I decided to break the silence.

"I love you."

Alex stared at me.

Just when I was about to say anything she spoke.

"We're waiting for me to die."

I closed my eyes and brought my forehead to hers. "Is that the only thing that's keeping you away from me?"

I felt her nod her head.

"Then forget about it. Please be my girlfriend."

"Do you seriously want a dying girlfriend?"

"I want a girlfriend who is you. Dying or not, I love you and I want to be with you."

"Zach, I have less than a month."

"I don't care. I love you."

"Zach, please," she begged.

I know she's crying again.

"I want to make you feel happy with the time you have left." Just simply saying those words broke my heart.

"If I die tomorrow?"

"That wont make any change with how I feel about you."

"I love you, Zach."

My eyes opened. Alex's hands were on the sides of my face.

"What?" I choked.

"I love you."

"I love y-"

She pressed her lips on mine before I could finish the sentence. My heart felt like it was going to burst. I pulled her closer to me and kissed her deeper. I kissed her like it was the only chance I have left. Her hands made it's way to my hair. She tugged on it, pulling us closer to each other. I bit her lip making her open her mouth. I entered my tongue. We were both fighting for dominance. But because of the stupid reality that we aren't immortal and we need air, we pulled away.

"I love you," I whispered.

She nodded her head as tears were spilling out of her eyes.

"Can we make a deal?" she asked.

"What is it?"

"Let's have a day together. Twenty four hours together. Just be happy with each other. No problems. Just like what we are before. Just in love."

I was about to say yes when she continued.

"But when that 24 hours end, you have to go back to California. You have to leave and promise to not come back and find me."

"No," I said firmly.

"A day with you would feel like forever with me."

"I'm not ready to say goodbye."

She closed her eyes and pecked my lips. I miss that lips.

"That's why we have a day. After that we'll forget. But we'll know we left with a happy memory. Something I will replay on my mind until the day I die."

I shook my head with tears threatening to fall.

"It's time to end everything in the right way."

"This isn't right!" I snapped.

"It's time to end all the pain. If you stay I can't promise you that I wouldn't end up killing myself."

"Please stop this."

"Promise me, Zach."

"I love you, princess."

"I love you too."

"I promise."

-*-*-*-

Since it's chapter 50 after this.... I PROMISE A SOMEWHAT HAPPY CHAPTER! I SWEAR!

THANK YOU SO FREAKING MUCH!

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