Blurred (Colby Brock)

Start With a Smile

So it turned out that one of Sam and Colby's friend's from school had a little brother with cancer. In order to pay for the medical bills, Rustin (the friend) begged Sam and Colby to help. Of course, it didn't take but the first "Could you please help--" to have my two boys insisting on taking the whole thing under their wings and telling Rustin not to worry about a thing.

For two weeks I worried and stressed about what I would say and wear and do. I was totally freaking out.

Sure, during softball and track I had gotten up in front of bunches of people and performed but reaching into my heart and sharing every last detail that made me who I was up to that point... qualifies as a totally different thing, I think.

I hadn't gotten any relief from my worry until the day before the show. The boys had gotten a crew together and Charlie and I were helping them set everything up.

We were in the city park which actually wasn't very big and I didn't know how all of the people who had bought tickets would actually be able to squeeze in and see the show. But Sam and Colby insisted it would be okay.

There had been a giant stage built and set up on the biggest side of the park and speakers and screens placed all over it. There were fog machines and lights and music and... and me.

I stood at the edge of the stage and looked out across the empty morning grass. My nerves pumped and danced in my body as I focused on breathing. In the end, fear trumped good judgment and my pointless calming exercises.

I closed my eyes at one point, growing dizzy at the sight of the crew bustling around everywhere. If they were freaking me out, how was I going to handle a crowd of hundreds of people?

I felt his presence before he said anything. The noise that had been coming from the direction he now stood was suddenly more muted than before and as I followed that, he drew closer. Finally, Colby's long fingers slipped something into my hand and closed my fingers around it.

"Are you ready?"

I envied him more than I ever had at that moment. He was so calm and happy and he was going to be doing way more than I was.

I sighed and lifted my hand to see a Jolly Rancher resting in it. I smiled to myself and began to unwrap it.

"No," I mumbled, throwing it into my mouth.

"Hey," He said, sitting down and letting his legs dangle over the edge of the platform. He grabbed my hand and jerked, pulling me down with him. When we were situated, I laid my head on his shoulder while he fiddled with my fingers. "You've got this."

"But I don't even know what to do."

"Well, first thing's first: start with a smile. After that, you just have to feel. Speak your past and tell them what it felt like and how you made it through. This is just like a YouTube video only with a live crowd."

Still not as confident as I would have liked to be, Colby continued with a sigh.

"I was nervous my first show, too. But once I got on stage and looked out at all of those faces... I wasn't scared anymore. They were there because they loved me and what I did. After that, it was just about being myself. I realized I didn't have to try and be what they wanted me to be because they loved me for who I was. They were there to watch me just be me with my best friend."

"Thanks," I mumbled, leaning into him further and smiling as a soft breeze blew across us. My nerves were calming down and I was feeling more assured that things would be alright. "Did you ever mess up?" I questioned.

He turned to face me and grabbed my shoulders, giving me a quick shake to get my attention and emphasize his point.

With a quirky smile, he spoke. "How can you mess up being yourself?"