A psychologist tried to tell me that holding in your anger was better than letting it out.
I find that hard to believe since I've held almost everything in: rage until my body shook, sadness until I was gasping but couldn't breathe, fear until I was numb all over. And I'm not better, I'm worse.
Compared to the times where I let everything out: screamed when I felt trapped, or cried when I swore I'd never see water again. That was much better than letting the feelings and thoughts live inside my head.
Because I've been holding in everything for so long I don't know anything else. My head is foggy and filled with clouds I can't will away. And my body is so backwards it wants to cry when I should be happy and want to scream when I should be scared. Everything I see is covered in black spots. And my mind choses to feel tired until it's actually time to fall asleep.
I'm a clock with hands that move backwards in time in a world that only moves forward. I'm the September wind that sucks the scarlet leaves off the trees into the air instead of blowing them to the ground. I'm a grey cloud that siphons energy from the earth creating reverse lightening into the lilac heavens.
I just don't fit in this world that only turns one way. And maybe that's why when I hold in my anger it burns worse that swallowing poison because I have words that need to be understood but I'm a concept no one can comprehend.
YOU ARE READING
Poems
Poetry"I know that sometimes for people, I feel like too much; But let me kiss away the phantom pain that the scars remind you of, Let me kiss the burns on your hands, From when you touched the burning fire within my soul. Let me show you that yes, I am...
