Watching myself turn bitter and disgusting from lack of love was one of the worst things I've ever experienced. It was knowing I was deteriorating before my very eyes and not stoping the change because it was in and out of my reach. I blamed the people who couldn't return my feelings for the way I am. I blamed the way the Earth turned too abruptly when I was in bliss and the way she turned like a the hour hand of a clock when I felt lower than low. I blamed the ground I walked on and the way the wind was so inconsistent for they couldn't respond.
But the worst times where when I blamed myself, because, when I blamed myself, it hurt myself more than anyone or anything else could hurt me. Because I'm supposed to take care of myself. Im supposed to love myself. I didn't.
I couldn't stop myself from becoming something I hate. I couldn't stop the negative thoughts from making a home inside my head. I was right and wrong for blaming myself. I was right for because I was too much a coward to go after what I wanted. And maybe that would've partially fixed the problem, but it takes two to fall in love. But I was also wrong because sometimes our experiences change us in ways we could never reverse. And sometimes that's for better but most of the time it's for worse.
I guess, what I'm trying to say is that, I wish someone would've told to take ten steps back instead of two steps forward that day I first saw him. Because nothing is worse than hating yourself when everyone else does too.
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Poems
Poetry"I know that sometimes for people, I feel like too much; But let me kiss away the phantom pain that the scars remind you of, Let me kiss the burns on your hands, From when you touched the burning fire within my soul. Let me show you that yes, I am...
