Poems

Morning Flight

It's been said that someone always loves someone more in a relationship. The thing is, that person is always me, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'd rather be the one shattered on the floor, trying to mend my damaged heart, with the broken fragments ripping open raw flesh and scarring my hands while I'm screaming out in agony to ghosts of you. I'd rather this happen to me than watch you drop to your knees and fall apart in front of my eyes.

Right before you got on that 6 am flight, you picked me up. I, of course, screeched in terror. I had been dropped like old news, on multiple occasions, by guys who promised me a Jack and Rose; That they'd never let go. I was always afraid someone else would do this to me again. Even with every promise you kept to me, I am no bird. I can't fly. I only crash and burn. I'm twice times as broken as I already was when we first met.

I always knew how much it upset you when you remembered how fragile I had become over the years that you hadn't protected me from. You feel guilty but it was neither of our faults. I watched the memories of pain from my past experience glimmer across your brown, eyes and your forehead crease. And if I blinked I swore I would've missed it. Whenever your smile faded I want to apologize for everything. I want to apologize for falling in love with immature boys and not respectful men. I want to repeat 'sorry' over and over again for having half a heart instead of a full one. I want to plead for forgiveness for not being good enough for you but sorry makes it worse.

And I believe that this is you left that day. You claimed to be going 'home', but you shouldn't have had to leave if I was a good enough home. You were my home after all. I think you thought that I could fix myself better if you weren't around but that wasn't true. Instead, when you left, I reopened my wounds that you had sewn shut with careful stitches and stayed up on week nights with only the thoughts of you so often that I made myself sick.

"Take care of yourself." I reminded you, kind of like a last I love you. "Have a safe flight." I didn't have to say anything. Our actions always had a funny way of saying 'Goodbye' without us even moving our mouths. Our hearts could feel that this was our last time. And this was the day I loved you more. I loved you enough to not make you stay when you didn't want too. And even today when I'm lost and numb on the kitchen floor before the clock strikes 7 in the morning, just know that love makes sacrifices and this is one I'd make again countless times.