Oblivious To The Signs

February 3: Diary Entry

February 3
11:05 pm

Dear Diary,

          I'm back! Well, it's not the same diary anymore but hey, let's just pretend it still is. All thanks to Andrew for not returning it... I don't really know why he wouldn't return it, but he promised he'll give it back to me. I'm not really sure how long and I don't really want to wait because I really need my diary. I know, too girly?

          I don't care.

          Anyways, Gwen (yes, I named my diary Gwen, got a problem with that?) you're probably wondering how I got this new one. Do you know this guy I told you about that I have a huge crush on and he's Andrew's friend named Jake? 

          No, of course not. I wrote it on my old diary––which Andrew would probably be reading by now. But anyways, Jake was the one who bought me this new diary after he saw me on the school's parking lot earlier today. See, Andrew and I were supposed to have our very first tutoring session today but since I was pissed at him for taking my diary, I ditched him. Sort of.

          You're never going to believe how nice and sweet Jake is! So he asked me to watch a movie with him, grab a cup of coffee after and he'll buy me a new diary. Of course, I acted reluctant at first. Don't want him thinking that I'm too eager, you know. Thankfully, he's persistent :) He didn't give up until I agreed with him... Yay!

          Oh, wait. You're probably wondering why it was so easy for me to just ditch Andrew like that. Sure, I was pissed with him taking my diary and all but that's not the whole reason why I didn't meet up with him. I'm actually having mixed feelings about him. 

          One moment, he'd be all nice and friendly around me so I'd feel happy that he's my friend. But then he'd start acting all sweet, caring and sensitive with me so I'd fell unhappy that he's just my friend. I don't know when I started being confused like this but I'm planning on setting things straight for me. I don't want to ruin our friendship with these petty feelings that I have for him. And I'm supposed to have a crush on Jake! His friend!

          I still do have a crush on him and that's what makes me feel confused. Whenever Andrew and I are having a laugh together, I'd suddenly wonder where Jake is. And whenever Jake and I are together...nothing.

          Huh? I wasn't exactly thinking about Andrew.

          There. Problem solved. I was probably just over-thinking again. I mean, who am I kidding? He's my friend! I must've mistaken his kindness into something else entirely different. I feel so stupid. Like, hello? Jake's been my crush since the beginning––pretty much since Monday :D Haha

          My head's such a mess! And now I feel all guilty for avoiding Andrew today. Good thing we made up for it; even though he doesn't know the real reason why I was avoiding him. But I swear, I'll never do it again...whatever the reason.

          But I have another problem.

          Andrew and I were exchanging notes during Physics class today. We talked about anything in particular. But at one point, he said very sweet things like how he and Lynn thinks I'm beautiful, how we talked about our parents rooting for us to be together, and how he asked me out on a date after our tutoring session!

         What if someone picked it up, read it and spread it to every single one in school. What if by tomorrow, we'd be the center of their gossip. What if they now assumed that we're really dating! What if Candy finds out? What if––

         You know what, enough with these 'What If's'. I'm over-thinking again. I feel like I'm such a pessimist sometimes. Well, what if the janitor already swept the paper off considering that it did look like a trash with it being crumpled and all. What if the paper got ripped apart because a lot of students have stepped on it. What if it's completely dirty that if someone picks it up, the notes would be unreadable.

         See? A much better version of 'What If's".

          Okay, so I've decided to forget about that stupid scratch paper and just trust Andrew's word to not care about what people in school thinks as long as we––and our friends––know the truth.

          And with that happy thought, good night! :)

 

--Emma

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The next chapter will probably be out tomorrow or this weekend :) With a little twist in it...

Quote of the Day:

"If you die, and I live, there's no life for me at all back in District Twelve. You're my whole life." Peeta says."I would never be happy again..."

-Peeta Mellark talking to Katniss Everdeen in Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins