i look to my phone for what seems to be the one millionth time, checking to see what time it is. currently, it's two-o-three am and i'm lying on the couch with kian lawley himself sprawled across my lap sleeping while i play with his hair.
regarding what time it is, i should be catching some z's myself, but i just cannot get my mind off of the reasoning behind why kian doesn't feel the way i feel towards him. we've strictly been best friends for almost a year now, seeming that's when adrian and i first moved into the neighborhood.
the story of how we met is very cliché, if i do say so myself. we needed some help moving boxes into our newly claimed house, kian and jc offered their helping hand, and it's resulted in our present situation.
lucky for adrian, she's scored a relationship with jc whereas i'm still stuck in the friend zone.
looking up to the television, i was able to see the camera set up behind us in the reflection of the dark, blank screen. we had been filming all day and night, which had ended in a movie session on the couch.
confessing the truth, i've had feelings for kian even before we became so close. adrian and i have a youtube channel of our own meaning we were all aware of one another, though we never really talked unless events were involved.
i remember endlessly watching his videos, uncontrollably smiling and laughing alongside the adorable boy pictured on my laptop screen.
it's actually pretty pathetic when you really think about it; falling for someone through a screen.
although we're best friends and rarely keep anything from each other, there are a couple things kian is still unaware of; my anxiety and slight depression, which i've been dealing with for what seems like a lifetime.
i was diagnosed with it back when i first started middle school, but it's gotten better over the past years that i've been doing youtube. i originally started as a release from everything i was dealing with. nobody really knows about it besides adrian and my parents.
because i don't relatively like talking about my problems, one condition in my parents allowing me to move to california was me getting a therapist. they were extremely worried about me moving across the country so to help keep them updated, adrian tells them how i'm doing every two weeks or so.
i've been seeing dr. stacey darnell, my therapist, for around eight months now. at first, i'll admit that i completely hated the idea and felt like they were treating me like a child. however, i find her really easy to talk with and i can say she's really helped me.
kian and jc don't know about my visits and i'm trying my best to keep it that way. the last thing i want is for my friends to know just so they can baby me as well. as far as they know, i've been going to the gym, to my singing lessons, to the library, to the store, and pretty much anything else i can say to avoid them getting any ideas.
although i've been trying my hardest lately, it seems that they're starting to catch on. i go every other tuesday, which i feel like they've begun to notice that i always have somewhere to go on tuesdays, whatever the excuse may be.
i was drifting into my thoughts, beginning to doze off, when i heard adrian's voice quietly ring out to me.
"olivia?" i heard her whisper, calling out to see if i was now sleeping as well. i rose my head, looking to her shadowed body leaning over the stair railing.
"oh, good. you're still awake. wouldn't you and kian rather sleep in your room than on the couch? there'd be more room," she promoted, coming down momentarily.
i nodded, nudging kian slightly. he didn't budge, making me have to do it once more while this time saying his name. "kian," i whined as i tried a little more harshly this go around.
he slowly moved around, fluttering his eyes open as he came to his senses. "huh," he said very groggily.
"let's go sleep in my bed upstairs, there's more room and you'll be more comfortable," i persuaded, trying to move him off of my body.
"okay," he said while stretching, standing up and pulling me up next. i thanked him quietly, walking into the kitchen to grab my laptop and camera before heading upstairs.
he took the tripod, carrying that and the ring light upstairs for me. we both walked into my bedroom, allowing me to set my laptop and camera down on my desk.
"thank you for the help, you can just sit that down over there," i said, pointing to the corner next to my desk.
he did as i asked, taking a step back and examining my room. "you've rearranged since the last time i've been in your room," he smiled, "it looks good."
he wasn't wrong. i had recently bought some different decorations and strung up some led lights to make the place a little more comfy. i'd also bought a new chair that hung from the tree outside on my balcony.
if i do say so myself, it's a cute two person swing that's attached to one of the beams that acts as a roof over my balcony. there were waterproof lights that were braided throughout the planks.
he smiled, seeing the new decor as he walked to the side of the bed that he always slept on, which was the left.
i walked over to my closet, grabbing a pair of sweats and a t-shirt of kian's that he'd left here some other time. "ah, still got my shirt i see," he laughed, pulling the one he was wearing off his body and tossing it toward my hamper.
"it's almost too hot to wear both so i might end up in just the sweats," he said loud enough where i could hear it as i changed in my bathroom.
"it won't be the first time," i said, as i wiped my makeup off and continued getting ready for bed. "just try to control yourself, will you?" he said in a playfully cocky tone, allowing me to picture the smirk that was plastered across his face.
i rolled my eyes, walking back out to the bed and pulling down the covers as i prepared to climb in, "you wish, lover boy, now get some sleep."
he just giggled, pulling off his shirt and crawling into bed beside me. his body scooted closer to mine, his arm draping itself around me.
"you're a good one, y'know," he whispered into my ear, causing me to turn over slightly. "and what do you mean by that, lawley?"
"i just mean that you're not like all the others, liv. you get me. you don't treat me like i'm only a celebrity, of course it's mainly because we're in the same boat, but still. i like that, dude," he ended in that silly voice he always does.
i couldn't help but smile, turning back over as i began to hear light snores in my ear. "i like that as well," i whispered, long after he'd fallen asleep.
hey guys! okay i know the revising is getting old but i promise this revision will be over quickly. i hope you enjoy the story! much love ♥️
