TOLKIEN; imagines

17: A Flower's Begging Petals - Elrond

Request from boclint: Can you do an Elrond x reader where he finds out you have depression and you hurt yourself?

A/N: I know this is a touchy subject for some and as I say with all of my sad fics, if you ever need to talk to someone just know I am here for you. :)

Abbreviations: Y/N: Your name, E/C: Eye color

Translations: A'maelamin: My Beloved, meleth nin: my love

Warnings: Depression, CUTTING, hurtful comments, social anxiety (sort of)

Words: 1256

Another sun rose, beginning another day, that I would stare at every other elleth and ellon and let melancholy consume the deepest part of my being.

Yes, I was the wife of Lord Elrond of Imladris, and yes others saw me as an authoritative figure, but I couldn't get past the comments that were tossed around behind my back every day since Elrond and I's betrothal had been announced.

Those horrid comments waded around in my mind, mocking me as I undressed and slipped my form, which was covered in scars from the time I had tried to take the pain away, into a steaming bath. I sat in the warm waters and aromatic oils all while listening to Imladris's choir, which seemed to be practicing a moan of a tune that reflected the cloudy veil that shrouded the sun above in a minor key.

The dismal chords only amplified the comments ghastly sneers, an onslaught of tears gathering behind my dulled E/C orbs.

I sniffed and rubbed at my eyes as I decided to cleanse the soap and oils off my soft skin and out of my hair and leave the cooling waters*. I wrapped a downy cloth around my shivering form before entering Elrond and I's lavish bedding chambers.

I had just thrown my sleek dressing gown over my head, when the husky voice of my husband graced my ears, hints of sleep still evident.

"Good morning, meleth nin," it rang as I whirled around to meet the owner's radiant gray eyes.

"Morning," I mumbled tepidly.

"Is something amiss, my darling?" Elrond's soft voice asked.

"No, I am fine," I replied trying to keep the sadness out of my eyes while running a comb through my hair nervously, but my efforts were fruitless.

"Y/N," Elrond murmured his voice full of concern as he sauntered out of bed and over to me, his arms ensnaring my form."I am your husband, and you, the only one I have ever loved. I know when something is upsetting you. And I know you've been feeling this way for a little over a month now."

It was true. I had never taken the comments to heart until about a month ago. Something switched in my mind and suddenly the comments began numbing my heart and dulling my ardors to a throbbing ache of gloom. Starting only two weeks prior, one comment hurt so much that it drove me to try and take away the pain, the worst mistake I have ever made. It left ugly scars on my arms that seemed to scream, "You are weak."

"It's not important," I replied, hurriedly attempting to tie my corset and pull my midnight blue, silken robes up over my trembling form.

Elrond's strong* arms wrapped around my waist, an attempt to stop my movements and to show me that he was genuinely worried about my welfare. "Y/N, my love, please tell me. You know you can tell me anything. I am here to share your burdens, Y/N."

Suddenly, the suffering that had been strangling my thoughts for the past month took over. I managed to face Elrond while still in his arms, a heart-sickening sob tearing itself from my throat and hot streams running in torrents down my cheeks.

"Oh, Elrond!" I wailed.

Quickly comprehending my actions, Elrond's arms tightening around me as one hand tangled itself in my hair, my face sheltering into his chest, my tears wetting loose strands of satiny hair that hung down over Elrond's broad shoulders. His other hand ran alleviating touches along the length of my spine, while his thin lips brushed against my hairline lovingly.

"Y/N, whatever happened to cause such severe sobs to escape your throat. They pain my heart, my dear," Elrond hummed against my forehead.

"Their comments! Their comments, Elrond! They hurt me so. Every ellon and elleth in all of Rivendell have surely voiced their insults about me. And it just hurts so much," I whimpered as I pulled back to stare into Elrond's warm eyes with my own bleary gaze.

His eyes were a safe haven, a place where my thoughts of him could run free. They were like stones made pleasantly flushed with heat by a crackling fire during the long winter's' gales.

I felt Elrond's fingers intertwine with mine as he led me to the bed, where we sat down, his hands moving to encase mine.

"Whose comments do you hear, love?" Elrond asked his voice devoid of everything except stiff sobriety.

"The peoples'" I sniffed. "They call me worthless, grotesque and utterly undesirable."

"Who wants the Lady Y/N? Who?! No one, I tell you! No one!" I continued, my voice amplifying into another choked wail. "I cut myself, Elrond! But I knew I was scared-no-absolutely terrified of how you would react to my foolish, foolish actions. It scared me so, so much, Elrond."

"Y/N," Elrond's voice cracked, tears of regret filling his own eyes. "Y-you marred your beautiful skin over some lies that they said. You tried to take your precious life away from me." His words were barren of the confidence they usually had hiding behind them. It broke my heart in two, a pain I felt deep within my being.

"Y/N. Look at me, love," Elrond rasped. "Look at me."

I looked up reluctant to the pain I would see behind his eyes.

"I don't care what lies those loathsome excuses for elves tell. You are more wondrous than all of Varda's stars combined. You are kinder than the softest ray of light that waltzes upon a begging flower's petals. You are the only actuality that can allow me comfort after a long day's useless droning. I would give up everything I've ever done, every title I have and everything I am or will ever be as long as I still have your hand in mine, your beautiful face smiling up at me, melting my distress, diminishing my deficiencies and eradicating my woes," Elrond said.

"Elrond," you can't possibly-"

"But I do." Elrond interrupted his voice hoarse and a single tear spilling from his eyes. "If I was ever left in this cruel beast of reality without you, I would surely lose myself."

Elrond's hands cupped my face quickly, pulling my lips toward his. They grasped vigorously at mine and I found myself fighting back, pure adoration taking hold of my soul, mending my heart, leaking from my eyes and fluttering through my blood. Only when we were gasping for air did we end our frolic.

"May I seem them, Y/N," Elrond asked faintly. "Your scars?"

Timidly, I pulled back the indigo cloth that hid my imperfections from prying eyes.

Elrond's gentle touch lifted my arm to his lips, leaving a trail of kisses that didn't end until it had climbed over my shoulder, up my neck, and onto my lips. The fondle wasn't as long, but it was twice as passionate, as the last kiss.

"I'll help you, Y/N. I vow to make you content again." Elrond whispered his words full of genuine candor.

"I don't know what I would do without you, a'maelamin," I replied breathlessly.