Returning to Innocence [EDITING]

Chapter Forty

This is it. Sorry guys :(

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Two months. Two months since Alex died. Two months since my world fell apart. People tried to talk to me, but I didn't hear them. The doctor's words echoed through my mind. My iPod only played one playlist of his favourite songs that I'd loaded onto there. I knew the words to all of them, yet I never sang. I didn't speak anymore. Whenever I opened my mouth, sobs came out and the tears began to fall again. This pain was so much worse than the physical pain I had felt for five years. This pain couldn't be healed.

"Scarlett! Come down to dinner!" my mother called through the house. She was getting irritated at my depressed behaviour; she thought me and Alex were just a thing that wouldn't last. She didn't understand that I loved him with all my heart. I could never let him go.

I walked slowly downstairs, my iPod still in my ears. I didn't eat at dinner and now my parents were beginning to notice.

"You do actually need to eat." my dad said quietly, but I ignored him. They didn't notice before and they only realised now because they were irritated with me.

"Scarlett! It was just some teenage crush. It is not the end of the world! My mother screeched, and I glared at her.

"How would you know mum? You knew nothing about mine and Alex's relationship! You had no idea how close were, no idea how much my heart is breaking this very minute!" I screamed back, the tears endlessly flowing down my face. I ran back up to my room, collapsing onto my bed and sobbing my heart out. The pain wasn't lessening and the one person who could always help me was gone forever. I had no purpose anymore.

He had always been there when I needed him, no matter what. He promised he would always be there. "But you lied." I whispered to the empty air.

My parents were downstairs still and I could hear them arguing. That was all they seemed to now, argue over me. They had no idea what I was going through. When I vanished, there was a chance I could come back. Alex is gone forever.

I lay there, listening to all of the noises around me, but not feeling attached to anything. My body was simply a machine, surviving, but not really containing me. It felt like when Alex died, I died with him. I would never be the same again.

The arguing downstairs got louder and louder and I heard something smash against a wall. I winced and sat up, still sobbing. The scissors Alex had confiscated lay on my desk and I stumbled over to them, grasping the cold metal in my hand.

"Sorry Alex," I whispered, looking up for a second before dragging the scissors across my arm. I hadn't done this since Alex made me swear not to. "If you didn't want me to, you shouldn't have left." I muttered bitterly, crying again. I dragged them across again, watching with a bitter laugh as the blood spilt onto the carpet. Why shouldn't I keep doing it? Why shouldn't I just die so I could join Alex?

The front door opened downstairs, but I ignored it. It was probably one of my parents leaving. Hopefully, it was one of them leaving.

"Scarlett!" Peeta cried, rushing forward and throwing the scissors across the room. They made a dent in the wall and I stared after them as they glinted in the light. Peeta was still clutching my bleeding wrist, staring at me in horror. She grabbed a t-shirt from the draw next to her and wrapped it around where she was holding, leading me to my bed. I sat down on it, bursting into tears again.

She sat next to me, watching sadly as I sobbed. Her fingers still pressed the cloth tightly to my wrist, stopping the blood flowing out of it.

"Why did he have to go?" I wailed and she shook her head.