Returning to Innocence [EDITING]

Chapter Fifteen

When I got back home, I put a false smile on my face and pretended I was perfectly fine. My parents greeted me in the same way as usual and I told them made up stories about what I did with Peeta. I don't even remember what I said, I was too busy trying not to cry. How could he say those things to me? It wasn't like I enjoyed being terrified of everything. I was obviously just too pathetic to do anything, I thought bitterly as I sat in my room silently crying. He was just a prick. He didn't even know what went through my mind.

A light in the hall went off, and I looked at the clock. It was midnight and the thoughts were still whirling around in my head. There was no way I would get to sleep until my mind slowed down and stopped buzzing. Why did Alex have to say that? It just confused me. I quietly screamed in frustration, before turning my attention back to the digital clock face next to me. I watched as the numbers changed, seemingly in slow motion. If someone was watching, I probably looked insane to anyone watching: a girl, staring at a clock and swaying slightly from side to side. For all I knew, I was insane; if I wasn't, Alex would probably drive me to it.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out to look at it. I had a text message: it was from Alex so I didn't read it, just deleted it straight away. I did this repeatedly over the next hour. He just didn't give up.

It was two in the morning now, and I was still wide awake. I didn't have school tomorrow because it was the weekend, but my parents would be confused if I was asleep all day, or if I was ridiculously tired. They would figure out that something was up and would get even more protective over me. It was bad enough as it was.

The thing was I would probably stay inside all weekend anyway. I had lots of homework because of the day I had skipped- I had to do extra work- and I had no one to go see. Peeta would question me about everything and I didn't want to go through everything that had happened with me and Alex. She also didn't know about everything in my past, and she would bring it up. I couldn't go through that again. Finally, I had the feeling she was irritated with me for taking Alex away from her. They had been best friends before me, but now Alex practically ignored her. It was my fault.

My phone buzzed again, and I finally snapped. I flipped it open angrily, and read it through. It was some crap saying that he didn't mean it. I texted back:

'Tell it to someone who cares like your best friend Peeta. Except you've ditched her for someone more pathetic.'

I sent it and threw my phone down on my bed, collapsing back on it. My eyes were closed, but I didn't sleep. My mind began to go through all of the things that Colin could do to hurt me. He would probably find out where I was again, and this time he would kill me. I knew too much. I couldn't be trusted. I wouldn't be surprised if he just killed me as soon as he saw me. Take me to a ditch and shoot me or stab me. He would probably hurt Alex as well, and that made my heart ache. I didn't matter that I was irritated with him, I still didn't want him to get hurt. If he died... tears came to my eyes. Alex was like my life support. I couldn't survive if he died.

Which is why I couldn't stay friends with him anymore. It might hurt us both at first, but it would protect us in the long run. If Alex hung around with me, he would get hurt and it was the same if I hung around with Alex. We couldn't be friends. We weren't meant to be. And if we weren't friends, we couldn't be anything more. The tears in my eyes slowly fell, rolling down my scarred cheeks and taking any make up with them. My long hair was splayed out around me, and my body shook as I quietly sobbed. I hated that I would have to do this, but if I didn't... more sobs escaped me. I swallowed, trying to compose myself. At this rate, I would have red eyes in the morning.

I was right. As I looked in the mirror at 6:30am on Saturday morning, it was obvious that I had been crying all night. I had tear tracks running down my face, and red rimmed, bloodshot eyes because of how tired I was. My parents wouldn't wake up until 8:00 at the earliest, so I hopped into the shower, enjoying the soothing feeling of the water massaging my back. The scent of my raspberry shampoo filled the room, and I breathed in deeply. I shivered when I stepped out, the cool air biting at me. I pulled my eyes on quickly and then began to apply my make up. When there was no trace of my scars or my red eyes, I traipsed downstairs to the kitchen. No one else was awake yet, so I could sit silently and think. Even after a whole night of thinking, I still had millions of thoughts in my brain. I sipped water occasionally , but other than that I didn't move. I didn't even notice when my dad came down.