All is Fair in Love and John <3 (A Johnlock love story)

Chapter 6: John's Secret

A/N: so what did you think? HA HA I'm sorry I got a little Moffat-y but this should help heal the pain...slightly...maybe....kinda....just read it.

"John-" Sherlock said referring to his wrists, they were covered in wounds elbow to wrist, all with raised skin. Sherlock knew what they looked like, he had done it himself when he was a teenager dealing with being a sociopath and having no one. John felt his body go numb, he had wanted all of this to go away, he just wanted last night back. "John, I didn't mean it." Sherlock said looking down again. he couldn't look at John's face, he knew he would break down. He had caused those scars, he knew what it was like, and now John would probably return to the same thing if Sherlock left. "How can you just not mean that?" John said shaking his head and staring out the window. "I mean that our kiss wasn't a mistake, and I want to face the world again, I want to go back to the way things were, but this time-." Sherlock paused for a moment, thinking of how he wanted to finish it, making sure that this was really how he wanted to do this. He knew he had just convinced himself this was wrong and now he was trying to go back on his words. "I want to face it with you John." Sherlock said finally looking up to meet John eyes as he pulled him in to his lips. John pushed him away, "No Sherlock." John said still hurt, "I think you were right, I think the kisses were a mistake, and I think that you need to leave." John said turning and walking into the kitchen. Sherlock swallowed hard, did he mean that? God Sherlock you are such an idiot! he thought to himself. He had gotten John, lost him, gotten him for a moment then lost him again it was like a never ending circle. "should I go to my bedroom?" Sherlock said, but when it came out he sounded childish and  his voice cracked on the end of the sentence. He knew that he had made a mistake about thinking he had made a mistake (A/N: confusing ha ha ha). "No Sherlock." John said not bothering to turn to face him from the kitchen. "I think you should leave the flat." he said pointing to the door. This was just as hard for John as it was for Sherlock, but he couldn't just let him come in here, kiss him, tell him he didn't like him like that then kiss him again, he was like a confused teenager he had so many emotions that he would just sprawl them all out in front of you. "John, I'm sor- I mean I'm worse then that, if there was more of a word for that I would-." Sherlock said trying to collect himself, he was trying to give this relationship thing a try, but so far he was just screwing everything up. "Sherlock, just give me some time and then we can try this again but I'm still very cross." John said his finger still pointing to the door, he was so mad he could barely speak. Oh how the table had turned, first it was Sherlock abandoning him, now he was abandoning Sherlock and as much as he tried to pretend he didn't care, he did. He needed Sherlock out so that he could think about if Sherlock was even worth it. He had seemed so into their relationship but now Sherlock just seemed like he was repairing it for John and that's not what John wanted in a relationship. Sherlock's voice craked,"can I come back for dinner?" He asked standing up and walking to the door trying his best to fight off tears. "no, find a hotel." John said in a almost stern way, well he had tried for it to sound very stern but it came out more like he was upseet and depressed. John glanced down at his wrists, why did Sherlock have to see them? He knew that he shouldn't have started to self harm, but eventually it was the only way to calm the pain. Now when John did it, it was more numbing then anything. Sherlock opened the door and walked slowly out but before he shut it he whispered something back into the flat, "I'm sorry John, I really am." Sherlock closed the door and slid his back down against it allowing more sobs to consume him. He had just lost John Watson, the only man that he ever loved, actually the only person he had ever loved. It was his fault though, he had told John that he didn't like him like that when he did, he was absolutely in love with John. Sherlock wrapped his skinny arms around his knees pulling them up to his chest. "you arse." He whispered to himself, letting out a few more sobs.

(with John in the flat)

             John felt a pang of guilt in his stomach, traveling up into his throat. Maybe he should have gone easier on Sherlock, maybe he was just trying to protect him. Who know maybe being a sociopath meant something different then John thought. Should he go after him and apologize? No, Sherlock had caused him a lot of pain and he needed sometime away but he knew it wasn't going to be easy, voluntarily living without Sherlock.

A/N I know it was short but I'm working on the next chapter that will be better so yeah...sorry