A Little More than Just Friends

Chapter Sixteen-

    We returned to school after our fight at the bus shelter, but when we passed in the corridors or was in the same class, we didn't talk. He didn't even return my stares. It was once we got back to my house that I realised how pissed with me he really was. I couldn't understand why. I really didn't know what I'd done that was so bad.

    He was shoving all of his clothes back into his duffel bag. He didn't care for folding, just rammed them all in there and hoped it'd fit. I followed him to and from different areas of the room as he picked up discarded clothing and his toiletries from the bathroom.

    “Would you please hold up and give me a reason for why you're leaving?” I'd been asking him ever since he started packing, but he hadn't said a word until now. I fought the urge to unpack his clothing in spite of him.

    “I think we need some space.”

    I stopped in the middle of my room. My eyes continued to trail around after his movements. “Some space.” I murmured. “We're taking a break?”

    “If that's how you want to look at it.” His voice was continuously low and lacking in any and all of his usual enthusiasm and energy.

    “I don't understand exactly; why are we going on a break? Do I not get a say in this or is it just whatever you decide?”

    “Jake, don't even– just don't even start with that.” He put his hand up in frustration. “I'm not in the mood to talk to you right now, okay? I need some space to figure things out in my head.”

    “You mean to figure out if I'm worth the effort or not.”

    “Jake,” he sighed, irritation ringing crystal clear in his tone.

    “No, no don't try and lie about this. That's the truth, isn't it? I'm not worth it, am I?”

    This caused Lee to stop in the middle of my room, too, and face me directly for the first time since we got back. “I just don't want to put so much into someone who inevitably realises this wasn't ever anything real, but an experimentation. Something to try out. I don't want to be one of your little projects, Jake.”

    “What in the fuck made you think you were an experiment?”

    “The fact that you hardly try! You just...you're all sex and, and hiding and I just I don't know, Jake. I don't know. Maybe you should figure out if this– if I am really what you want. Maybe having some time to think will be good for you too.”

    I didn't reply. I couldn't. I stood there with my lips in a fine line as he finished packing the rest of his stuff and he slung his duffel bag over his right shoulder. The doubt started creeping in as his words began to circulate around my mind.

    Maybe he was right. Maybe I wasn't taking things seriously. Did I really want to be with Lee? Could I really see myself being in a full-on relationship with him, and telling all my friends? Is that what I wanted? I'd never really thought about it.

    Having not said anything, Felix must have assumed I had nothing more to say and walked past me in silence, heading for the door.

    “I don't want you to leave, Lee,” my voice was dry and rough as I spoke. I heard his footsteps come to a pause. I wasn't facing him, and I didn't dare look over my shoulder. Though just as I was about to work up the courage to do so, I heard his footsteps resume and when I finally turned to look at him, he was gone.

    I collapsed down onto my bed, and for the better part of twenty minutes I lay there staring up at my ceiling. There wasn't anything important going through my mind. I wasn't thinking about what had just happened between me and Lee. It was more things like remembering those little toys I used to get in cereal boxes. And the snap, crackle and pop packets I used to get with my Rice Crispies.