Returning to Innocence [EDITING]

Chapter Twenty Nine

New Chapter!

I'm sorry for the wait, but I've been dealing with stuff.

I'm dedicating this to TheCookieMonster because she's there for me, one of the few people who knows and as a sorry for making her upset.

Sorry again.

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I sighed, still not moving. Why was I so harsh to the person who cared about me the most? It was stupid, he was the only person who wasn't going to just ditch me and for some reason I was pushing him away. I didn't even know what was going through my head.

Sighing again, I stood up and went up to my room, looking for my scissors to hurt myself again. I groaned when I realised Alex had taken them and lay back on my bed sulking. It was stupid how much I wanted to cut, it just felt like I had to. I had to punish myself somehow.

If I wasn't careful, Alex was going to hate me. I couldn't let that happen but I wasn't even sure why I kept acting up. If I didn't know why, how could I stop? I knew I was messed up from the whole kidnapping, but I didn't think I would take it out on the ones I care about the most. It was probably my fault mum kept acting like this as well.

The feeling of depression circling my mind made me want to cry, but I had done enough of that to last a lifetime. Again, I longed for my scissors to inflict more pain on myself. Alex wouldn't know if I did it in the same place...

No. I wasn't going to do this. I had promised Alex and I couldn't disappoint him again. But it was so tempting, so simple. All I had to go was go into the kitchen and into the draw with the cutlery in. The knives in there would be sharp enough and no one would notice if one wasn't there.

I screamed into my pillow, angry at my thoughts. It didn't matter that he'd just gone, I needed Alex. I typed a quick text to Alex and pressed sent, leaning back and screaming into my pillow again.

The text said 'I need you.'

Less than half an hour later, he was knocking on my door. I walked down, my face emotionless but my mind screaming. When I opened the door, Alex stepped in and hugged me. I buried my face in his shoulder, shaking. He shut the door behind him and picked me up, moving up the stairs and too my room.

"What's up Scarlett?" he murmured when we were lay on my bed, bodies intertwined together. I pulled my head away slightly, looking into his worried eyes.

"I'm scared Alex," I whispered. "I'm scared of what I'm becoming." I leant back into him as he frowned, processing what I had just said.

"What do you mean?" he asked quietly, stroking the back of my head.

"You don't know what's going through my head, you don't know how confused I am, how quickly my emotions keep changing. You saw what I did Alex. Just a few weeks ago, I was so against self harming and now you're having to take away everything I could hurt myself with away from me. What's happening to me?" Somewhere during my speech I had started crying and as I finished the sobs just kept on coming. Alex held me close, making soothing noises and playing with my hair.

"Scarlett, you can fight whatever it is and I will always be by your side, supporting you." he said softly, taking my hand.

"Promise me. Promise me you won't leave me, not ever." I whispered, my breathing hitched from sobs.

"I promise Scarlett. I will never leave you." he swore, wiping a tear from my cheek. I blushed, still crying but smiling slightly through my sobs. "I mean it. I'll never leave you."