Priorities | Malum

〰 1 〰

Three skype calls every 24 hours, one after Michael makes his typical breakfast of cinnamon banana oatmeal, one when taking his daily walk to the pet store to visit all of the cute kittens who look so so sad and one before he falls asleep at night.

Michael can't go a day without talking to Calum because he misses the boy so much. He's always afraid that something is going to happen to him so he has to skype him. And three video chatting opportunities aren't enough, so he adds two calls to top it off. And yeah, it's hard for Calum because he really isn't supposed to have that much time to talk to his boyfriend but he really tries to answer every call because he knows how worried and clingy Michael can get at times. And he loves it nonetheless.

Michael sat on his chair with crisps in his hand with his MacBook Pro on his lap. He watched as the call rung and he waited patiently for Calum to answer and he only frowned when he didn't. He felt like his heart was giving out at any moment because something had to have happened. Michael immediately shut his laptop and felt the tears start to fall from his eyes rather quickly.

Calum didn't answer his morning call either. And it's never happened before, because they always talk. And if they're not talking then they're using the bathroom or sleeping. Either or, Michael knew that wasn't the case.

He didn't feel hungry anymore as he sobbed into his pillow while balancing his laptop on his thighs. He was tired of crying daily and it wasn't because they were fighting because they hardly ever do. It's rare for them to fight because Calum knows how precious his kitten can be.

Michael sighed sadly to himself as he plugged his MacBook into the outlet before standing up with crumbs on his jeans and he walked towards the hook behind his front door that held his olive green jacket because he really needed to go on a walk to take his mind off of what just happened. And this was his usual time to go visit the kittens but since he wasn't skyping Calum, there really wasn't a reason to go.

So he stormed out of his college dorm, ignoring the glares he received from his classmates who were sitting outside by the water fountain and he just walked away. He walked away with his tear stained cheeks and  the faint sounds of him sniffling because he was so sad and so worried about his angel. Michael was scared that he'd never see his precious little puppy again. And he hated that feeling that made him get butterflies in his stomach and it wasn't the good kind.

He walked to the coffee shop down the street,    where he could be comforted by the smell of baked brownies and blueberry muffins. It didn't make him smile though, because he wasn't talking to Calum.

Diana was working today and she had that usual quirky grin on her face when she recognized Michael. They were really good friends after all, but her smile faltered when seeing his tear stained cheeks. And if she wasn't working behind the counter, she'd rush over to him in panic to make sure he's okay. She's hug him all over if she could, basically.

"Are you okay?"

"No, can I get two blueberry muffins and a latte with four pumps of raspberry, please?"

"Michael-"

"Just please," Michael begged desperately, not wanting to break down crying again in front of his friend. He didn't want to seem vulnerable but he didn't talk to his baby and everything felt off today.

"Okay, I'll get those for you right away."

"How much will they be?" Michael sniffled as he pulled out his wallet and searched for a twenty dollar bill with his small, chubby fingers that Calum loved so much.

"It's my treat. Don't worry about it."

"Diana-"

"I said its my treat," Diana responded without snapping and Michael felt incredibly grateful for her at the moment. Though he chose not to show it because he sort of just wanted to go back to his dorm and break down again. Because the thought of losing Calum would devastate him and he'd probably lose himself too.

"Thanks."

Michael felt satisfied with his muffins and latte. He didn't eat breakfast this morning so his stomach was grumbling and maybe he should have ordered a small, egg sandwich to go with it but he was already pudgy in his mind and didn't need to gain anymore weight. So he just stuck with the blueberry muffins and ignored the guilt he felt after eating two.

He sighed to himself as Diana gave him continuous looks of sympathy and it was at the point where he just couldn't take it anymore. He didn't have his phone so he couldn't just randomly pop in his earbuds and fade away to the sounds of  GreenDay or Blink playing. Michael didn't have anything with him except for his ostentatious sneakers and his shadow. And it really reminded him of freshman year, how Calum told him his shadow was the most beautiful thing.

And yeah, he broke down crying again. But this time, he stood up, not even finishing his second blueberry muffin or the other half of his drink. He just threw it away and stumbled all the way back to his dorm, just hating how he didn't talk to his boyfriend. Was he really that attached?

Michael felt the need to punch something once he arrived back in his small room. At least his roommate wasn't there, but it wouldn't make a difference if he was anyway. He doesn't pay attention to Michael, often just ignores him or brings a girl over and pretends Michael doesn't notice, even when he does.

He felt like drowning himself in the sink inside of his bathroom because if Calum was gone then he could just end it all, right?

Michael was really considering the options of committing, weighing in the pros and the cons. Nobody would miss him. He knew it'd be a ridiculous idea but he couldn't live on without Calum. He couldn't live on with the thought of him being-

There was a ding.

It wasn't a doorbell and it wasn't from the television that he accidentally left on. It was from his computer and yeah, he felt shocked when seeing one missed call from Calum. And if it wasn't obvious, he made himself comfortable in the chair before calling back and feeling surprised when seeing the kiwi boy answer immediately.

"Michael, I'm so sorry I couldn't answer. I had - wait, were you crying?"

"I was," Michael sniffled, mentally face palming himself for not washing his tear stained cheeks off. His boyfriend didn't need to know how pathetic he was.

"Baby, no. Why?"

"I - I thought something happened to you. Like I thought you were - I can't even say it without crying," Michael mumbled as he felt another year threatening to fall from his eye and he had to use his thumb to wipe it before he broke down again. He was being too vulnerable and it wasn't okay.

"Dead," Calum finished his sentence for him while shaking his head with sympathy. "I'm not dead kitten, I'm alive. See, look, my chest is moving. I'm breathing. And I'd tell you to feel my heart but you're not here to listen to the sound of it beating."

Michael smiled sadly, wishing he was. It reminded him of junior year; how they'd have frequent sleepovers with each other and Michael would lay on Calum's chest and he could just hear the sound of his heart beating rapidly. And it was the most beautiful thing.

"Maybe one day I'll be able to hear it again, I hope," Michael squeaked, knowing that chances were low of seeing his boyfriend again.

"I'm really sorry I didn't answer your calls, kitten. I totally spaced it and I'm just- I'm so sorry. And you cried and I wasn't there to comfort you. Great, now I feel like shit."

"Please don't," Michael begged, trying to assure Calum that it's okay even if it isn't. He didn't need both people in the relationship feeling sad. One was enough.

"Okay, I just-"

"It's okay, Calum."

Calum smiled softly, despite knowing that Michael could have cried for who knows how long. He smiled, even though Michael was sad. He smiled, because he knew his smile made Michael smile and it was so nice to see him smile.

"I miss you kitten."

"I miss you too."

And even though it wasn't night yet, Michael felt himself drifting off to sleep. His eyes were tired after all of the crying he went through, and Calum would be lying if he said he didn't sing Michael to sleep with a goodnight lullaby. And yeah, he smiled when seeing Michaels eyelashes fluttering slightly as he fell sound asleep and it was beautiful watching the boy erupt in small snores that reminded him of a kitten purring and he was beautiful.

And Calum really fùcking missed his kitten.