Stand By Him ~ Book 7 ~ (BoyxBoy)

In Her Arms Again

25th August

Nick's POV

The sound of the rain as it bucketed down on the roof was calming, even the smell the air gets once the dry grass and dirt gets wet. I could now barely hear the sounds of the motorbike that was being started in the shed. Emerson is out there with Brax and Jace, checking on the final stages of the rebuild. When I saw it earlier, I couldn't believe that it was the same old piece of junk that has been rotting away in the shed for years.

My boyfriend has magical hands, he sure does know how to use them, in many ways. Father's Day is next weekend, so Em wanted to make sure that is was ready to go. We will be going back to the shack on Wednesday as we wanted to spend our fifth month anniversary there. We'll be coming back Sunday morning, so there's not much time left for it to be perfect for Dad. I was sitting by the window reading a book when I felt my phone vibrate with a new message. When I pulled it out of my pocket, my heart leaped into my throat when I saw who it was from.

Lani.

It's been almost seven months since I heard from her. I didn't think she wanted to talk to me anymore. I've missed her a lot and even though we are not together anymore, I still feel somewhat lost without her. Looking down at my phone, I contemplated whether I should open it or not. I'm the one that ripped her heart out and them stomped on it a few times. I don't know why she would even want to talk to me after what I had done.

Placing the phone back in my pocket, I got up from the recliner and walked over to the pantry. My eyes searching for the stash I had hidden from Emerson. Getting down on my knees, then shifting a few small boxes that were at the front, I found it. My bottle of Jack Daniels. Screwing off the cap as I walked over to the cupboard where the glasses are, then filling it to the top.

As I leaned against the bench, I swallowed the whole glass in a mouthful. The feel of the alcohol burning my throat as it went down smoothly. My body already starting to feel the buzz it gave me, I needed another. When I had finished the second glass, I grabbed the bottle and took it with me back to the recliner where I was before. Hopefully this will help with the pain. I want to feel numb again. I've caused her so much more. It's all my fault, it's my fault that I broke that sweet girl.

After gazing out to the rain, the weather now damping my mood even more. I couldn't hear what Emerson and my brothers were doing, everything was dead quiet. The third glass was half gone, my eyes were starting to feel a little heavier, my body just didn't have the energy to move. My phone vibrated again, this time I didn't bother checking. I just don't want to deal with anything right now. The only thing I can think of is, Lani. She's consuming my mind with all the things that I had done to her. All the things that we used to do. Four years of memories just flashing by.

I miss her.

I miss her laugh, her smile. The way she would dance around in the kitchen when she thought no one was looking. The way she would sing in the shower, even though it sounded like she was trying to strangle about ten cats in the bathroom. Just the littlest things. The thing I miss the most is her hugs. I always loved having her in my arms, and even for a short little thing, they were always amazing. And I lost it all because I was lying to myself and not admitting that I was attracted to men.

I guess I had her move in with me to see if my feelings would change, but they didn't. It only made me more distant and withdrawn from her, even though she was right beside me. I lied to her for a long time. That's what hurts the most. Honesty, I wasn't honest with her and I was doing a lot of things behind her back. Cheating was never going to be something that I was planning to do, I couldn't do that. I've been taught that no good things come from that kind of thing.