I'm Not That Innocent

Goodbye

Jase’s reaction to getting ignored for the next week was hilarious, even if I do say so myself. I wasn’t going to just run to him after one text though, he needed to work for it, and after all it was one text that got him in this situation in the first place. Obviously he didn’t understand this so he was puzzled when his lame attempts were ignored. His crew also found it as comical as I did, the boy wasn’t used to being shot down and they weren’t used to seeing it happen. Many times I actually saw him blush, yes Jase blush, as I crushed each and every attempt. I had made the mistake of turning slutty previously and it wasn’t a mistake I’d be making again.

For the time being I was just enjoying plotting and planning. It wasn’t only me that was involved. Becky wanted to help for obvious reasons. Harvey did too, much to surprise, apparently because of ‘what Jase did to his Babycakes’. Having the backup helped alot. I was feeling on top of the world nothing could bring me down, well that’s what I told myself. Sure I was happy to be single and free of Thomas, but I still couldn’t get Matt out of my head. What infuriated me the most was I barely even knew the guy yet he was constantly in my thoughts. In my heart I knew what this meant, but my head kept denying it. Even if I did have more feelings than a friend should he had moved on.

Later that night I was lay in bed with my nose in a good book when a loud tap against my window brought me back to reality. Throwing down my book I stomped over to the window and pulled back my curtains. It was too dark outside to see anyone especially with the light glaring on the glass. I opened the window only to feel sharp pain in the middle of my forehead. Looking down in fury I saw Matt standing on my lawn looking sheepish and apologetic. Luckily for him I managed to contain my rage and left my bedroom to meet him outside.

The cold air hit me and reminded me that I was only y in my pyjamas. I raced round to the back of the house and stopped metres in front of Matt. The moonlight was shining down on him, illuminating him and making his eyes sparkle. A cool breeze was in the air rustling the trees surrounding us. I longed to move closer to him but I found myself frozen to the spot. An owl hooted somewhere in the distance cutting into the silence.

“Matt?” I asked, actually finding it hard to believe he was here.

“Aimes...I’ve missed you,” he began. “Me and Cheryl have broken up. Seeing you today it made me realise...”

“Matt stop please,” I interrupted. “We can’t keep doing this; we’re just going round and round in circles. It needs to stop,” I begged.

Matt looked taken aback at this. He gazed at me, his wonderful brown eyes looking into mine. Swiftly he moved forwards until he was stood directly in front of me, his fingers tangled in my hair as his lips made contact mine. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling as the kiss deepened. Sparks ignited as the kiss deepened making me feel all tingly inside. Tears rolled down my cheeks as he pulled away.

“Aimee. I’ve known you for what, a month? No one has ever made me feel this way before; I can’t get you out of my head. That’s why I broke up with Cheryl. I needed to see you. I needed to kiss you, I needed to tell you that I l...”

“Matt please don’t do this,” I interrupted again. Hearing him say those words would break my heart because I felt exactly the same. I couldn’t build myself up only to be shot down. If he said those words there would be no going back, for him or for me. Either way one of us would get hurt and I couldn’t bare to see that.

“But Aimee please,” he pleaded.

“Matt I know how you feel, I feel the same believe me. We just can’t say it. We hurt each other too much, and if we’ve said that and either of us got hurt it’d break my heart. But just know I feel the same,” I cried. “You need to move and be happy. As much as I hate to say it, we’re not good for each other we drive each crazy.”

“Aimee don’t cry,” he whispered as he pulled me into his arms.

Matt tilted my head so that we were staring into each other’s eyes and wiped my tears away. His eyes had started to water to which pained me to see.

“Sorry about the stone thing,” he laughed.

Although I was crying I found it impossible not to laugh too. God knows what we must have looked like to anyone who was watching. I closed my eyes and moved closer into Matt’s embrace, certain this would be the last time I saw him. We must have been stood there for at least twenty minutes within moving. I felt freezing but it didn’t matter because I was in his arms. At that moment that was the only thing that mattered to me, I could have stayed there for all of eternity. Matt broke away and kissed me on the forehead tenderly.

“I guess this is goodbye Aimes,” he whispered.

“I guess it is Matt,” I managed to say as a lump formed in my throat.

Lay in bed all I could think about was Matt. Surely I had done the right thing, hadn’t I? I know he made me feel at ease and so comfortable around him, but there was also the rage he made me feel. Rage that burned deep inside me ready to explode. That couldn’t be healthy. My eyes began to feel heavy from all the crying earlier and in moments I found myself asleep.

My dreams that night were filled with Matt. How things could have been between us, if we hadn’t met in the circumstances we had. I awoke randomly to the pitch black of night. I fumbled for my phone and found it, disheartened to find it was only 3:00am. My heart flipped when I saw I had a message. Eagerly I opened it.

‘Aimee if things ever change I’ll be waiting for you. Matt <3 xx’