I Play for Keeps

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

147. That was my number they taped on my chest. To these people I was just a number. Another face. Just another loser they had to sit and listen to.

Yet another reason why I hate pop music.

But Les Mis is different I guess. It’s a sad show about death and unrequited love. And I can relate to one of those topics easily. So of course, I picked the famous song I dreamed a dream and the only reason I really know it is because Susan Boyle sang it way back when. So for like the past day, I just practiced the song over and over until I had it down perfectly.

I was waiting at this facility back stage theatre thingy for hours. They took away our phones so we had no idea what time it was.

I tried to socialize with the others, but they were too busy practicing their auditions. Apparently, you go on stage, sing, and they tell you if you make it or not. It’s one of the scariest things I’m gonna do.

So since I figured I had a while to do nothing, I decided to be like the others and practice my audition.

I dreamed a dream in time gone by

When hope was high

And life worth living

I dreamed that love would never die

I dreamed that God would be forgiving

I sang that part about my dreams of staying at my home in Russia. Of my mom and how much I loved being with her, no matter where my dad was.

Then I was young and unafraid

And dreams were made and used and wasted

There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung, no wine untasted

I sang that part about how when I was young, I assumed everything in my life would stay perfect. That I wouldn’t ever have to see my mom die. That I wouldn’t be taken away from my life, my dreams, my home.

But the tigers come at night

With their voices soft as thunder

As they tear your hope apart

As they turn your dream to shame

Sang this about how my dreams, hopes, everything was torn apart as I watched my mother die. As the men took me away, as I was forced to go to a new place I didn’t know or like. A new family. A new home. A new life. A new me.

He slept a summer by my side

He filled my days with endless wonder

He took my childhood in his stride

But he was gone when autumn came

Well, since one I’ve never had a boyfriend, and two, I don’t know how it feels to have your boyfriend walk out on you, I sang this about Michael leaving. How he just left my life so quickly.

And still I dream he'll come to me

That we will live the years together

But there are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms we cannot weather

This was about how I dreamed to this day that Michael will come home. About how I know he’s out there, waiting to see me. No matter what people say. But then there’s that little piece in the back of my mind that tells me he’ll never come back. That I won’t see my big brother in a long time. That my dream of seeing my big brother will never come true.

I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Sang this about how I never wanted my life to be where it is now. My real mother dead, me living in the United States. Finally having a normal life again, only to have it ripped apart by my adoptive big brother leaving my side. Never coming back. Then my mom getting sick. Her dying in a few months if I don’t become an adult. I’m just sixteen! It can be so…stressful. And how I had to get the money to afford our daily life. And the fire. How everything was my fault.

I was standing on stage, signing and crying my eyes out.

“You can go now. And you don’t need to come back.” One of the directors called.

Now life has killed the dream….I dreamed…….