Look After You (Louis Tomlinson Fanfiction)

Chapter 28 - In My Head

     My brain stirred as if it was being thrust and spun about by harsh hurricane like waves. I am the sand on the shore - innocent, weak and tiny. Way too many things filled the confines in my brain today. As the definition of the word confine means: to keep in limits. Needless to say, my limit has been reached. I couldn’t even name half of the black splotches decorating my normally colorful mind. 

But first it was knowing that I will be finding out what my illness is in a week.

The others were such as, Lou’s surprise tonight, Lou himself, my hunger at the moment, what my family would do without me - what would they do? My mind goes off on that idea: I’m not much of an impact to this family, so I assume they would be perfectly fine. Besides, they have Nye to fill my place. Now…why am I thinking these demonic things? Suddenly I made myself die in my head. It really is getting dark in there!

My hands are always clammy but today they were almost dripping with my anxiety. Some days are worse than others. Today it was all in my head and no matter how badly I wanted to clear it…something always crept up. Such as those dark thoughts I just stumbled upon.

The water around me splashed lightly as the bubbles caress my skin softly with the scent of my name - rose. The bath seemed to soothe half of me, well, everything but my brain of course. I sink into the water, letting it rise to the beginning of my nostrils. The small surroundings make me feel warm, my throat tingled. Lou’s surprise was tonight. No doubt I’ve been stalking the heck out of him and watching his every move today. He’s left quite a lot and always came back with boxes in his arms that he carried into the house and never bring back out. If only I could see through those curtains of theirs!

I look at my hand and giggle lightly at the waves and trenches that have formed in my fingertips from the water. Baths always made me feel like a child again. Sitting in it and only filling half of the basin with my tiny body. My mom would perch on the toilet next to me while I splashed around and laughed hysterically at myself. She would sing me small songs that my little mind could remember as she washed my curls, scrubbing gingerly with her long fingers. These memories helped me through a lot of my darker days.

I then wash my hair at the thought and get out of the tub. I apply lotion that had a light shimmer to it that left my skin to look as if fairies had just kissed it. Seeing that Lou told me to wear something nice I had to pre-plan my outfit of choice, so - still in my towel - I searched my closet for a dress. I had no idea what he was going to have us doing. Really it could be anything, seeing that we are talking about Louis Tomlinson. I don’t want a floor length dress, because I feel that may be too a bit ritzy. But I don’t want a sundress kind of ‘chilling out with your friends’ dress. So I pick the dress I wore for my aunts wedding. It has a soft fabric, close to silk – white and strapless.

I nod as I examine it. That will do. I go back to my bathroom and start preparing myself, noticing that the event is only two hours away. Or, at least that’s what time I decided to show up because he didn’t really give me a set time.

I tucked one of the ends of the towel into my chest so it will stay around me as I go about preparing. Soon I’m looking at makeup. I don’t wear makeup very often. I probably should, but I suppose I’m too lazy to ever think about it. I apply some foundation on my face and wisp some blush over my cheekbones, highlighting them more. I then move to my eyes. They looked tired and dragged down, maybe because they were. Some of the veins in them are a vibrant red and black bags show themselves under them. I put some concealer under my eyes to hide the bags and then drop a few eye drops in them, making the red slowly go away.

Needless to say, I had pretty nice eyebrows; they just needed a little help in places. So I drew them in a bit better with a black pencil. After that I put on some eyeliner and then a smoky silver and black eye shadow over the lids that accentuated my green irises. Some mascara and then a little shiny lip gloss. I look at my refection on the mirror ahead of me and blink some at what I see. I didn’t notice the girl staring back at me. Her eyes were bold, her cheeks were ablaze. Her eyelashes were long and batting. Who is this girl staring back at me?