moods / phan

chapter four

// I have a new story up called galaxies apart it's my first ever teen fiction story and I'm v excited! pls check it out (only if you want to)

Also if you wanna be friends from the last chapter, message me yo ^_^ //

dan

Dan slams his fist into the wall of his bathroom.

Well, it isn't really a wall strictly speaking, more like an angry, unforgiving, cold mass of tile which seems to punch Dan's knuckles more than he punches the tile.

Dan curses under his breath, shaking his hand. That was a stupid idea - a very stupid idea - but it seemed to have helped him. Dan feels calmer now, more in control but his knuckles are throbbing now, quite painfully as well.

Dan looks down at his left hand and frowns when he sees the red skin stretching over the bone, broken over the knuckles and starting to bleed. All at once, his mind seems to go numb, his hand goes numb, and suddenly, he feels numb.

Dan freezes, staring down at his hand. He can't even feel his hand bleeding now. He just watched, transfixed as the beads of blood pool up on his skin before they over balance and slide down his hand, leaving a small trail of crimson.

Maybe Dan really can't feel anything now. It's a nice feeling though, he'd prefer that. It'd be better for Dan actually being emotionless instead of people just thinking he is. He'd never have to worry about anything ever again.

Dan looks sideways at himself in the mirror. He looks the same as he always does; the black clothes covering his body, his kinda-emo-but-not-really brown hair, his pale skin and the life ruining black line floating above his head.

But there's something different as well. When Dan looks into his own eyes in his reflection, he sees something else. He's always looked sad, lonely, lost - but never like this. Now, he just looks shattered internally, broken and just plain... Empty.

"Dan! Dinners ready!" His mother calls from downstairs, startling Dan out of his thoughts.

Dan drags his eyes away from his reflection and diverts his gaze back down to his hand. Oh shit. How's he going to hide this? At least it's growing colder so he can wear long sleeves - he always buys tops which give him sweater paws.

"Yeah I'll b-be down in a m-minute!" Dan calls back through the bathroom walls.

Dan quickly grabs a towel, wetting the end and cleaning the blood off his hand. Once the blood is gone, it isn't too bad; just a bit of split skin on his knuckles. He can hide that from his parents, they aren't that observant anyway.

"Dan, finally, dinner's going cold!" His mother scolds when Dan finally arrives, sitting in his usual place opposite them, "what were you doing?"

"I-uh, I f-felt sick," Dan stammers, looking down at the bowl of pasta in front of him.

"Goodness Dan, when will you stop that stuttering?" His father asks, shaking his head as he twirls pasta onto his fork.

"I c-can't help it," Dan says, his grip around his fork tightening as he looks down in shame, his cheeks reddening, "I-I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Dan's father says with a sigh, but Dan knows that tone all too well - the tone of as much as I want to love and accept you I wish you were normal so I could be proud of you.