CAUGHT OFF GAURD

CAUGHT OFF GUARD: CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

MAIN CHARACTER 👆🏾

KHALIL💕

The answer came to me in an instant, from inside my own head.

'I might as well face it; I don't have the ability to walk away from Cole. I see now it's really pretty simple: I'm still hopelessly in love with him -- he's the one.'

Just as I came to that thought, Cole spoke again.

"I need you so bad, Khalil. I was so stupid and cold-hearted. He might love you -- but I love you so much more! I've never felt anything like this in my life. I never thought I could feel anything this strongly -- anything that could make me be ready to change everything in my whole life, my future, everything. Please forgive me, please love me still," he sobbed again and again as he kissed my neck and ear. "Please love me still... please?" he kept begging.

I wasn't getting off on his begging -- it wasn't giving me any kind of power trip, ego boost, satisfaction or anything like that -- it was breaking my heart. It was making me feel sad for him, making me need to comfort him and take the pain away. The heat of his body and the room was making me sweat as I gave in to my heart -- it was useless trying to fight it. He had a power over me that I was simply unable to resist -- I loved him, and had, even from that very first day.
I spoke softly.

"I never stopped loving you, Cole. I couldn't make myself hate you when I tried. But I'm..." I searched for the words. "I'm scared of opening myself up to getting hurt again by you. I never dreamed anything could hurt like that. When I was gonna kill myself, I kept thinking it was a combination of things, but right now, I realize it was really only because I thought you didn't love me anymore -- but that just makes it scarier."

My hands were now clinging to his back almost as tightly as he was squeezing me."I just don't know if I could ever feel secure again, if I could trust -- it hurt so bad!" I sobbed.

He raised his head and looked into my eyes. "I know. I really do, Khalil. I promise I'll never hurt you again. And I never stopped loving you either, Khalil. God, I'm so sorry for what I did to you -- the look in your eyes that morning -- I'll never forget it as long as I live."

Tears streamed down his cheeks as he swiped at them with the back of his hand.

"I don't even know how to describe what it did to me way down inside, the little part of my heart that died at that moment when I saw what I'd done. All those nights I cried when I would see you lying in the grass with that wounded, hurt look in your eyes, burning in my mind and I hear myself saying those words and I just hated myself for being so cruel to you, when your so tender and sweet and trusting."

He buried his face back into my neck, kissing it between words

"If you'll just forgive me, if you still love me, I swear to God I'll never hurt you again. I'll never let anyone hurt you again, I'll protect you from all that. I'll kill anyone who tries to hurt you -- I mean it," he tensed his body. "I'll love you and take care of you and protect you always! Please just love me like you did before."

His kisses were making me shiver. The things he was saying were sending goose bumps all over me. I finally spoke. "I do love you every bit as much as I did before," I replied. "It never went away, even when I tried to make it go away. When it came down to it, I knew it was you I loved, even after what you did to me."