CAUGHT OFF GAURD

CAUGHT OF GUARD: CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR

MAIN CHARACTER 👆🏾

COLE💕

The second John Gladstone finished saying the press conference was over, the reporters all started shouting questions again, but I was so relieved he had ended it that I didn't even look back at them. I simply could not believe that I had said all those things to the media! I was kicking myself and yelling 'What were you thinking?!' in my head as John led me away from the fray. Where had all that come from? I had not intended to make a bunch of statements about my sexuality and all those issues. I certainly hadn't intended to get, like, philosophical or anything. I had just wanted to let them know I regretted the fight and all that. I had a gut feeling that I had just complicated my life-- and Khalil's, Dave's and Tyson's-- even more, and that was not easy to do, given how fucked up things already were... mostly because of me.

I was sitting here hours later, holding Khalil's hand as he slept, thinking over all these things, my mind jumping around from one thing to another, then coming back to this or that topic. One moment that kept popping up was John's words as he led me away from the podium. When we'd gotten far enough away, he shook his head and whistled low, saying, "Whew! That was powerful stuff, Cole. I'm glad you're on our side." He gave me a friendly grin and asked, "Would you like to become our spokesperson?" He chuckled, but I almost think he was serious. "You handled them so well, for not having any experience with that sort of thing, and it certainly doesn't hurt that you're so darn good looking. And most of the press loves you so far, aside from jerks like George and a couple other homophobes. But in general, they love articulate and photogenic people like you."

I thought, 'Articulate?! Hah!' I said, "Uhhh... I don't think so." I leaned down to whisper in his ear, "I almost peed my pants when they started in on me." We both laughed.

He said, "Hey, it was your first time! Here I had all this stuff prepared, points to make that I hoped would influence even more positive press on this if you weren't handling it too well, but you just blew all that out of the water! Everything you said, the way you said it, had impact. I have never seen anyone cause a whole group of reporters to become speechless, for even a moment! It was like you had them hypnotized or something, Cole. It was something to see, and I'll remember it for a long time to come. I just hope they all air the whole thing unedited. I worry they'll just piece together clips out of context and dilute the power of what you said."

About then, Ben and Lydia caught up with us. A reporter had caught Ben and grilled him with a few more questions. He had answered a couple of them and then managed to get away. We all went back inside, where John tried to talk me into addressing the Houston Gay and Lesbian Political Caucus meeting next month at a fundraising dinner. I wouldn't commit, but I didn't outright refuse. I couldn't imagine myself giving speeches and operating in the spotlight when I wasn't forced into it like tonight, but the more it sank in just how big this had gotten, the more I felt like I should do what I could if it might actually help bring about any kind of changes, even if it only changed a couple of minds, and I felt guilty that I didn't want to give more to 'the cause' because I knew it would only complicate mine and Khalil's life that much more every time I spoke up.

As we parted in the lobby, I noticed that Dr. Reitberg kept giving me these strange contemplative looks. I couldn't read them, but I did sense that they weren't the hostile looks he'd given me before. John, Lydia and Ben talked about politics and the growing clout of gays in the Houston political scene, discussing how a single event like this one could affect the whole discourse for a while. Lydia expressed some satisfaction that at least something good seemed to be coming from all the suffering of Khalil and the other boys, and both she and Ben told me how proud they were of how I handled myself.